© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
It is really important to be clear enough about who you are to feel confident. It is also important to believe you can ask for what you need and want…and do it.
I’ve learned that these two elements are vital to creating the life you are uniquely made to live. Knowing who you are and asking for what you need and want brings you to life.
If you think you are here to be a carbon copy of someone else, or to live up to the expectations of someone else, you may well be missing the opportunity to make your unique contribution to the world. You could miss the actual opportunity of your lifetime: to be fully you.
What does it take to clarify who you are and what you need and want? Spending enough time with yourself…alone. That is the one gift most people do not give themselves.
When we wrote Soul Solitude: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up, we named the first chapter, “Flat Out is Not a Rhythm.” Most folks these days somehow seem to think that if the right answer to “How are you?” is “Exhausted!” They think it is a badge of honor. Maybe they’re thinking it makes them seem indispensable to the workings of the world. (Hey! If you think you’re indispensable, put your finger into a glass of water. Take your finger out and see what a hole you left behind. I learned that one! )
Everyone is indispensable to someone’s world. That’s for sure. But, we can all benefit from time alone, reflecting on who we are, why we’re here and what our purpose is. It is important to align our values, vision, beliefs and purpose consciously and demonstrate it in our thoughts, words and behaviors. Alignment is the key to living fully and fearlessly.
Balance is essential if you want to give your unique contribution to the life of the world. And, only you can create that. The balance between your internal development and your external demonstration is essential. I know when I shortchange myself by rushing out the door in the morning without my reading and reflective time, my day can suffer. The consciousness that setting up the day well ensures is well worth the effort.
When we bring that level of consciousness to our day, we can feel confident in asking for what we need and want. It is not selfish. It is self-confident. And, a self-confident person can hear either yes or no in answer to their requests. He or she does not deflate, whine or quit. They simply move forward. They keep on walking.
Are you spending enough quiet time alone to know yourself well?
Are you confidently asking for what you need and want?
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Catalyst for Communication & Collaboration
…helping you to optimize relationships & results.