Save Your Sanity: Help for Toxic Relationships

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on August 18, 2019 at 7:54 PM

Do you have a feeling that what's going on in your relationship is less than honest, and yet, you feel strangely like you're not doing enough?You may well be with a covert narcissist! Even for me, working with couples all over the world, it takes longer to identify covert narcissism in a person, and in a relationship, than with other demonstrations of narcissism. Why? Because it is sneaky, under-handed, passive, and plays on your heart strings more than overt or malignant narcissism. It takes […]

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on August 12, 2019 at 4:26 AM

Abuse in any form is bad news: verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse, spiritual abuse, sexual abuse. All bad!And, you need to know what intimate terrorism is because it has the most dire consequences.Domestic violence is a term you're likely familiar with. You may not think of the verbal abuse as domestic violence, or the emotional abuse. It is, though. Often, it is very difficult--even more difficult now with the new wording recently changed by the current U.S. […]

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on August 4, 2019 at 6:22 PM

#Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult toxic people--want to define your reality for you. Right? They try to tell you what you think, what you feel, or what you remember or want. Crazy-making! Telling you who you are and what you think and feel is #gaslighting. Sure, you have friends that you might ask, or be discussing these things with because you value their opinion. Whole different story! Hijackals tell you because they want to define your reality, so that they can have power and control […]

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on July 28, 2019 at 11:59 PM

People can be difficult. No lie, right! Sometimes, they are difficult for a moment. Sometimes, through a rough patch. Today's episode is help for dealing with those two kinds of occasionally difficult behavior. Although these strategies are foundational to what you have to do when you're with the relentlessly difficult, toxic people I call #Hijackals, there is SO much more to learn about how to effectively manage toxic relationships. That's why most of the episodes on Save Your Sanity are very […]

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on July 21, 2019 at 8:26 PM

Are you tired of being wrong? #Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult toxic people in life--cannot be wrong, so everything HAS to be your fault.That's exhausting, right? And, of course, it's not true. If you stay with a #Hijackal for long, you may begin to second-guess yourself too often. You may question your sanity. Or, you can get so worn down and torn down, that you don't have any self-esteem or self-confidence to call on for much. Let's stop that, ok? Now, is the time to tune into these […]

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on July 1, 2019 at 4:43 AM

Being abused is a BIG deal! Not recognizing it is also a BIG deal.Often, when it happens when you are young, it becomes buried in the fabric of your life and you don't realize that you are operating from it. That happens too often.Maybe, you've downplayed the emotional abuse, or any other kind of abuse, in your mind to somehow make it alright, or at least, tolerable. Maybe, you've made up excuses for the other person. Or, worse, you've taken on the blame for the abuse on yourself!No. The very […]

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on June 23, 2019 at 8:08 PM

You're been in the relationship for a while. Maybe, it's even your parent! Or, a new partner?Or, you're waking up to the fact that you simply cannot please your partner because s/he WILL NOT be pleased, no matter what you do! Your partner may be a #Hijackal®.Your partner may have narcissistic behaviors and self-centered motives.Your partner may have anti-social behaviors.Your partner may incapable of empathy, and therefore, incapable of real love. You need to know these six red flags! These […]

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on June 17, 2019 at 5:24 AM

Are you caught in The Hijackal Trap? You really need to know, so you can make clear choices. The Hijackal® Trap is often very hard to recognize because it is often subterranean, deep in the murky areas of the relationships only showing up every now and again. Or, maybe, it's showing up increasingly frequency now, and you need to know right away. You get glimpses of it in confusing early moments in your relationship, and if you're like most people with a desire to be in love, you ignore […]

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on June 10, 2019 at 4:44 AM

You're out! You likely took a long time to make the decision to leave the narcissist, or in my terms, the #Hijackal. You also likely talked yourself out of it more than a few times, right? Then, you make your move for all the right reasons. It's difficult AND you do it. Uh-oh! Now, you're second-guessing your decision, and beating yourself up a bit. NO! Please don't! Remind yourself that you left for all the right reasons. Not so easy when you're feeling unsure, alone, and maybe even a little […]

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on June 3, 2019 at 4:36 AM

Oh, my! I can imagine that for a few folks the title of today's episode caused them a brief moment of near apoplexy!No, I didn't choose it for its shock value, nor did I choose it to be controversial. I chose it because there are a few things about unconditional love that you may not know, and maybe, you may have a little blind belief that to be a "good" person. you must strive to be unconditionally loving to all people at all times. Not so.Before you set your hair on fire--or want to do that […]