Save Your Sanity: Help for Toxic Relationships

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on October 13, 2019 at 7:08 PM

The #Hijackal Trap usually closes slowly. At first, everything seems rosy, wonderful, and just what you've always longer for. Then, it starts to close. Narcissistic behavior is crafty! You want to believe what you fell in love with was true, so you rationalize, justify, and excuse red flag behaviors. Did you do that? Are you doing that? That will keep you trapped! In this episode, I walk you through more than eight clear signs and symptoms that you are caught in the #Hijackal Trap, and […]

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on October 7, 2019 at 4:16 AM

Have you heard the term, coercive control? You may not have as it's just slowly coming to awareness. And, it is SO important that it does! Coercive control is life-sucking! That's why I've chosen to give you an understanding of the many aspects of coercive control in today's episode. Evan Stark, PhD, coined the term"coercive control" and he defines it this way,"...an ongoing pattern of domination by which male abusive partners primarily interweave repeated physical and sexual violence with […]

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on September 30, 2019 at 2:43 AM

So often, clients and members ask me if the relentless difficult, toxic people in their lives are that way on purpose.Followed closely by the question: does s/he want to hurt me?Have you wondered if your mean, blaming partner wants to hurt you?Did you have a #Hijackal parent who told you you were unwanted, or never good enough?Are you in a toxic relationship now?#Hijackals are made, not born. A baby may start life with some leanings, but it's the people in their lives and in the world around […]

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on September 24, 2019 at 3:48 PM

Stop playing these shady, passive-aggressive games! Right? It's not that easy.In this episode, you'll hear three better ways for you to bring clarity to a conversation that is going down that shady, #passiveaggressive path. If you have a relationship with someone--a friend, parent, sibling, partner, co-worker--whose weapon of choice is a passive-aggressive remark or behavior, you know just what I'm talking about in today's episode. Their comment hits you and, at first, it almost sounds logical, […]

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on September 15, 2019 at 6:45 PM

I know. You don't want to be accused, or accuse yourself, of abandoning a person. You especially don't want to be accused of abandoning a person in need. #Hijackals are always in need: in need of you to use, misuse, and abuse. Does that make you want to stay? I hope not. Would you tell your best friend to stay in a situation like yours? Hmmmm....pause for thought, right? I'm Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, and I work with individuals and couples from many countries through videoconferencing and I say: […]

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on September 9, 2019 at 4:38 AM

Parents who were emotionally available, perceptive, and responsive to you, to your needs and mental states, are a great gift! They tend to provide you with attachment that is secure. This is an excellent foundation for a healthy emotional life. Parents who were emotionally unavailable, or inconsistently available, perceptive or response to your needs, and tended to intrude their own states of mind onto you as a tiny child, could create what is called a "resistant, ambivalent, or anxious […]

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on September 1, 2019 at 6:33 PM

Don't kid yourself! Your "silences" speak volumes! I work with people whose relationships are in crisis for so long, and their hope that not speaking up about things that are bothering them mostly does more damage than anything. Suffering in silence can be the exact opposite of healthy living. It's a poor--and often highly toxic--approach to relationship issues. It's possible that folks who button up and bottle up recall prior negative experiences associated with speaking out. Things just […]

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on August 26, 2019 at 1:27 AM

Any chance you've been walking on eggshells around someone in your life?A parent, partner, sibling, friend, ex?If so, there a good chance you're going to recognize some of their abusive behaviors in today's episode.In fact, you may learn--and you may not want to--that, you're experiencing what I call an "emotional terrorist!:You need to know this, even if you'd prefer not to. I know, who wants to think they know or love any kind of a terrorist, right?Who wants to think they've fallen in love […]

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on August 18, 2019 at 7:54 PM

Do you have a feeling that what's going on in your relationship is less than honest, and yet, you feel strangely like you're not doing enough?You may well be with a covert narcissist!Even for me, working with couples all over the world, it takes longer to identify covert narcissism in a person, and in a relationship, than with other demonstrations of narcissism.Why? Because it is sneaky, under-handed, passive, and plays on your heart strings more than overt or malignant narcissism. It takes […]

by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on August 12, 2019 at 4:26 AM

Abuse in any form is bad news: verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse, spiritual abuse, sexual abuse. All bad!And, you need to know what intimate terrorism is because it has the most dire consequences.Domestic violence is a term you're likely familiar with. You may not think of the verbal abuse as domestic violence, or the emotional abuse. It is, though. Often, it is very difficult--even more difficult now with the new wording recently changed by the current U.S. […]