Save Your Sanity: Help for Toxic Relationships

Latest Episode
    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on June 18, 2021 at 6:42 PM

    For many women--and men, too, restoring a feeling of safety to enjoy sexual intimacy seems a long way off. Anna-Thea share invaluable insights for regaining that sense of safety. Trust, too, can be a big issue. In fact, letting a new person into your life at all can cause concern. That's natural. […]

Straight, compassionate  talk to help you clearly see the patterns, traits, and cycles of the relentlessly difficult people I call Hijackals®.  Understand what’s really going on within their volatile or passive-aggressive ways.

You particularly need to tune in if you are in any way being abused: devalued, demeaned, dismissed, and discounted verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually.

Then, see the cycles and know your best next steps: what has to change within you, and between you and the Hijackal in order to make good decisions and changes to manage these difficult, toxic–often disturbing–relationships!

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    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on June 15, 2021 at 5:42 AM

    You likely give people the benefit of the doubt, or are willing to go the extra mile for them. That's healthy and usually reciprocal. Great! BUT, when you're with someone with narcissistic behaviors, it's not healthy or reciprocal. It's unhealthy and one-sided.Most people immediately think of a particular set of traits when they think of narcissism in general: the blustery, look-at-me, superior, […]

  • 10 Emotionally Abusive Things Hijackals Say Often
    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on June 8, 2021 at 4:52 AM

    You hear the same demeaning, dismissive things from narcissistic Hijackals all the time. It wears you down and they put your down. You need tools and strategies to neutralize the poison when it's being poured on you. This episode gives you specific insights into keeping yourself safer. #Hijackals are always looking for a way, a place, an opening to exert power over you. I'm thinking that you're […]

    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on June 1, 2021 at 4:57 AM

    Ugh! The narcissistic Hijackal falls silent, ignores you, and won't respond. What's up with that? What are they hoping to achieve? What's your internal dialogue? What ways are most effective to respond? That's today's episode. So dismissive! Hijackals can treat you as though you're invisible, erased, and definitely not present. They want to impress upon you the contempt they feel for you. So, […]

    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on May 25, 2021 at 4:38 AM

    Hijackals & other narcissistic people have neither thought nor intention of leveling any playing field. No, it's about the all important winning. Why? What can you do or say? Use the ideas in this episode to step back from the crazy-making! When you're in a relationship with a relatively healthy person, you work things out. In working them out together, you build trust and safety. It brings […]

  • 8 Damaging Roles Narcissistic Parents Assign to Their Children
    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on May 18, 2021 at 5:13 AM

    You had no choice in the role a narcissistic parent created for you and assigned to you. You were stuck with it--while usually being quite unaware of it. It's just the way your family is, like it or not, right? NOW, in this episode, see your assigned role(s) so you can shed them and choose again! In episode #201 on pseudomutuality, I talked about how #Hijackals like to paint a public picture of […]

  • Why Power is the Enemy of Love
    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on May 14, 2021 at 11:56 PM

    Power in relationships can be a very difficult and disturbing issue. Of course, if you have a Hijackal parent, partner, sibling, or adult child, you're well aware of that! This episode will give you new insights into solving ever-arising issues! My guest, Mira Kirschenbaum, wrote in Why Couples Fight: "A power move is anything we do or say that makes the other person feel disempowered." Of […]

  • How All-Or-Nothing Thinking Creates and Comes From Fear
    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on May 11, 2021 at 4:12 AM

    Everything is a potential deal breaker when all-or-nothing thinking prevails! People who were raised in emotional abusive homes learn to think that way. If you are with one, you may be on the receiving end and need to understand and name it. You need to be able to do that. If you were raised by an emotionally abusive parent, you may have learned to use all-or-nothing thinking as a safety […]

  • The Scam, Sham & Spam of Pseudomutuality
    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on May 4, 2021 at 5:11 AM

    You know how some people and families both "put on a front: and are "a closed shop?" You can sense that something is off but the story they tell sounds good. They may be SO good at the story that you can't help but believe it. Why would you question it? And then, you marry into it and the legs fall off! YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS!  Mutuality is one of the three MUST-HAVES I talk about in order […]

  • What a Formerly Toxic CEO Learned That Transformed All His Relationships
    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on April 29, 2021 at 5:26 PM

    Have you experienced a toxic boss? Were you one? Today's guest, Krister Ungerbock, admits to, at one time, being an aggressive boss. Maybe, even, a toxic one. He changed. Learn why and how it became important to him to shift, and how that lead to his writing 22 TALK SHIFTS: TOOLS TO TRANSFORM LEADERSHIP When you have a toxic parent, you may pick up toxic behaviors. That can ruin your personal […]

    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on April 27, 2021 at 3:38 AM

    Do you ever wonder if you're the problem in a relationship when you know that the other person is forever pushing your buttons, blaming and shaming you? You may be suffering from "Reactive Abuse," and that's a cycle that you can put a stop to. You are patient. You give the benefit of the doubt. You take the blame. You apologize when you have done nothing wrong. Any of those sound familiar? Do you […]

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