Save Your Sanity: Help for Toxic Relationships

Latest Episode

  • Be Positively Selfish

    This audio was recorded in 2006, long before Hijackals became Dr. Shaler's focus. Rethinking Selfishness: "What if I told you that I now value selfishness? Would that be shocking? Not only do I value it, but I encourage others to value it and practice it."In this first of our upcoming Legacy Files, Dr. Shaler explores the often misunderstood concept of selfishness and redefines it as a positive […]

We are so proud to be #20 in the 2023 Top 100 Relationship Podcasts of all time! Thank you for listening and sharing! goodpods top 100 relationship podcasts Goodpods Top 100 Relationship Podcasts Listen now to Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relati
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Straight, compassionate  talk to help you clearly see the patterns, traits, and cycles of the relentlessly difficult people I call Hijackals®.  Understand what’s really going on within their volatile or passive-aggressive ways.

You particularly need to tune in if you are in any way being abused: devalued, demeaned, dismissed, and discounted verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually.

Then, see the cycles and know your best next steps: what has to change within you, and between you and the Hijackal in order to make good decisions and changes to manage these difficult, toxic–often disturbing–relationships!

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  • DRAMA-DUMPING: The #1 Thing NOT TO DO When Meeting a Person for the First Time
    by Dr. Rhoberta Shaler on March 12, 2024 at 4:01 AM

    Whether you're looking for a new friend or a potential new relationship, you don't want to be trauma dumping. When you let your whole story fly, someone else is likely to get crushed by it.Out of the gate, with someone new, it's smart to establish a relationship dynamic based on balance, mutual sharing, and emotional maturity. Oversharing personal traumas can burden the budding relationship and […]

  • Expecting Emotional Maturity from a Narcissist? Don't Hold Your Breath!!!
    by Dr. Rhoberta Shaler on March 5, 2024 at 4:54 AM

    SOOO frustrating! You hoped for a partner, parent, sibling, or adult child with whom you could communicate, collaborate, and co-operate, but no. You live most of the time with q tiresome toddler or miserable middle schooler, right?Learn more about recognizing the patterns and altering your expectations now.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:#Hijackals are emotionally immature.Check your expectations when […]

  • Narcissists Make OUTRAGEOUS ASKS. Learn to say NO,
    by Dr. Rhoberta Shaler on February 27, 2024 at 4:38 AM

    Narcissists ask for too much...and they expect to get it. It's essential to hear that a question is outrageous so you can respond differently. If you've been with a Hijackal for too long, you may have stopped hearing their questions as outrageous; This episode will sharpen your listening skills and increase your sensitivity to questions that are intrusive, violating, and need a solid NO […]

  • Standing Up to Narcissistic Intimidation -Here's How!
    by Dr. Rhoberta Shaler on February 20, 2024 at 5:20 AM

    Being with a narcissistic person is scary, right? You are usually wrong...even when you're right!. You never know what mood they'll be in. They lie, gaslight, rage, and fall silent. They are intimidating! They keep you on edge! What can you do to reduce the intimidation? Listen to this episode. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Narcissistic people are likely to engage in several kinds of abuse: verbal, […]

  • How Being the Golden Child In the Family Hurts You
    by Dr. Rhoberta Shaler on February 13, 2024 at 4:43 AM

    Can't do anything wrong? Get away with nonsense? Get extra goodies? Attention? Time?Might sound good but it can get old fast and leave you with very poor self-esteem and a lack of identity. Have a sibling who is the Golden Child? You envied them and now you se them differently?VERY IMPORTANT EPISODE to straighten your thinking about yourself and others who were treated as Golden Children growing […]

  • It's Smart to Stop Trying to Please a Narcissist
    by Dr. Rhoberta Shaler on February 6, 2024 at 4:29 AM

    Narcissists love it when you run after their approval. You hope to explain yourself and be heard; they hope to explain you away. In this episode are five iron-clad reasons to not even try to please a Hijackal - save your energy, save your time, save your self-esteem.Listen in.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Hijackals want you to please themThey make it very difficult to doWhy narcissists always need […]

  • STOP OVERSHARING. It's dangerous.
    by Dr. Rhoberta Shaler on January 9, 2024 at 5:15 AM

    You want someone--at least one someone--to hear you, see you, believe you. So you share. Sadly, that often turns into oversharing, leaving you a little red-faced. if you fully embarrassed a little later, right? "Why did I do that?" There are good reasons you overshare. Don't beat yourself up for it. Listen in to understand the "whys" and stick around for the "why nots!" so you can make positive […]

  • 5 Must-Do's to Save Your Sanity from a Narcissist
    by Dr. Rhoberta Shaler on January 2, 2024 at 4:44 AM

    Steps to emotional freedom require knowing where the path starts. These five "must-do's" are fundamental to saving your sanity, self-esteem, and self-confidence. When you're in a toxic relationship with a narcissistic Hijackal, it's even MORE critlcal.Know the importance of each of these and how to keep them top of mind. Develop enough strength to follow the "healthier human" path to avoid being […]

  • How to Avoid Falling in to Reactive Abuse Trap
    by Dr. Rhoberta Shaler on December 19, 2023 at 6:27 AM

    Oh, how Hijackals love to poke, prod, and provoke you into losing it and reacting, right? And then they like to wind you up further so you'll yell, blame, complain, and meltdown. Crazy-making?Yes, INTENTIONALLY CRAZY-MAKING!Learn ways to not go there, to not react, to not behave like the Hijackal...or the way the Hijackal wants to manipulate you into behaving, How to choose control and calm […]

  • 5 Good Things Narcissists PROMISE...but NEVER DELIVER!!!
    by Dr. Rhoberta Shaler on December 12, 2023 at 5:37 AM

    Narcissistic Hijackals know what you want. Yet, they withhold giving it to you. They know what you need. Yet, they refuse to fulfill it. They know how to make you happy, but prefer disappointing you.Think deeply about these five "would be good" things narcissists promise but fail to deliver...and, they do it very deliberately. There are real deal-breakers...when you actually see them. Listen in. […]

    by Dr. Rhoberta Shaler on December 5, 2023 at 5:09 AM

    You want to be able to trust a person, right? It's natural. It's healthy. Yet, you cannot trust narcissists or any variation of Hijackal. And, I know you want to. In this episode, hear the many ways you CANNOT trust them, even when you want to. Hear ways you convince yourself you can believe them, and why you must stop. Yep, it's hard sometimes. But, if you trust them, you're diving into […]

  • 10 Ways You Can Get Used to Being Emotionally Abused
    by Dr. Rhoberta Shaler on November 28, 2023 at 4:45 AM

    Little by little, nasty, bitter, unfair things start becoming part of the day-to-day with a narcissist. Those Hijackals are relentless in wearing you down and getting their way, right?You might pass it off as another "little thing to avoid" to reduce the abuse. WHAT? You're doing things to reduce the abuse rather than set boundaries and making plans to leave? SEE HOW SNEAKY IT ALL IS? Don't miss […]

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