Hijackals are emotional terrorists!
Hijackals can also engage in coercive control and perpetrate Intimate Partner Violence.
Definition of Hijackal: “a person who hijacks a relationship for their own purposes and needs. And then relentlessly scavenges that relationship for power, for status, and for control.”
They’re crazy-making, causing you to question your sanity and second-guess yourself constantly. That’s their game…and, they are very good at it!
Every time you think of being near a Hijackal, you likely feel anxious, angry and unsafe. Over time, Hijackals train you to be hyper-vigilant. Why? Because the main purpose of Hijackal behavior is to win at all times. Hijackals are:
Toxic people--narcissists, borderlines, anti-socials, even some passive-aggressive folks--are not going to care much about how you're feeling, or, what you think, need or want. They have little to no real interest in your experience of life. They do have uses for you, though.
You may turn yourself into a doormat to please them, and they still won't care.
People who cannot or will not see, acknowledge, or engage with their emotions, and have little ability to deal with yours in a relationship. They may be fearful, passive, aggressive, hypersensitive, shut down, or simply unequipped to be in an equal, reciprocal, mutual relationship.
They can develop greater insights and skills if they are willing.
Toxic, frightening people who need to dominate you, even in the smallest ways. They are competitive, isolating, manipulative, fear-inspiring, deceitful, degrading, suspicious, and, of course, endlessly controlling.
These people do not see a need to change and will undermine you in every way. Charming in public: nasty in private.
Now, do you know one?
If you feel hoodwinked, scapegoated, always wrong, always blamed, and powerless, you are likely in the grips of a Hijackal.
I’m Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, and I created the term “Hijackal®” to describe predictable patterns of behavior that drive you crazy…but you may not know why and how. The term gives you a way to talk about the relentlessly difficult, toxic people who you may think of as narcissistic, anti-social or borderline. It gives you a way to talk about the patterns, traits and cycles when a difficult person doesn’t have a psychological diagnosis*.
Everything a Hijackal does or says seems somewhat plausible. And, that’s how you get caught in The Hijackal Trap!
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