Toxic Relationships & Narcissism Blog

Anger Management

Keeping Your Cool When Hijackals™ Don’t!

Hijackals®–those relentlessly difficult people in your life–like to think they have power over you. They practice that–in fact, check that–by trying to make you lose your cool. It’s that simple! I’m going to help you with these steps for keeping  your cool around them. Usually, you are on guard for the next irritation when you’re

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How Do You Know If You’re With A Narcissist

Some Hijackals™ have traits that include those of narcissists. I think that too many people use clinical labels for the behaviors of others without knowing what they really mean. To make it easier for non-clinicians to be accurate when describing these behaviors, I created the term “Hijackas” From this panel series I did with Helen

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Setting Boundaries | Hints For Handling Hijackals®

Often, we don’t learn to set boundaries in our lives. Although it is never a good idea to be “boundary-less,” we are often in healthy situations where they are not as necessary as they are when you’re around a toxic person. Some people don’t feel entitled to maintain boundaries, either. They are prime prey for

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Gaslighting | Hijackal® Relationships

Have you started second-guessing yourself and questioning your sanity around your partner, parent or boss? Do you have a totally version of what happened in any situation than s/he does? You could be experiencing “gaslighting.” That’s when another person purposefully wants to be in control of your experience of a situation. In fact, they want

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Hoovering | Hijackal™ Relationships

“Hoovering?”  Yes, it’s a thing! It happens in relationships with Hijackals ™. Have you been “hoovered?” Have you walked away from the relationship for very good reasons? You were strong. You knew what you were doing and why you were doing it. And, then, somehow, you got sweet-talked, bargained with, promised, and cajoled into taking your

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What It Feels Like To Be With A Hijackal® | Hijackal Relationships

Have you watched my video series here, “Hallmarks of Hijackals?” If so, you know a whole lot about the person you have in mind. Now, it’s time to focus on you. When you’re first with a Hijackal, you don’t know it. You’re involved in the joy, wonder, and newness of this delightful, charming person who

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Things always your fault? It's crazy-making.

Always Your Fault? Always Wrong? You May Be With A Hijackal.

Is everything–somehow–always your fault? Do you so much want to believe your partner loves you, yet, you are so frequently being hurt? Do you justify your partner’s behavior with “S/he is just having a bad day, a bad time, under stress” too often? People who cannot allow themselves to think for one minute that something

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Hijackals never stop finding fault and demanding control and power
Anger Management

Anger & Aggression Ruin Relationships. Think About This.

When there is anger and aggression, do the wise thing: look inward first. Why start with you? Because you can’t change others! Be wise. Start with yourself. Anger and aggression? Other people can be crazy-making. No doubt! And, they can be scary: demeaning, belittling, demanding, threatening. All those things are aggressive. And, you so want

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Difficult People At Work Make You Want to Stay Home

Hijackals®, aka chronically difficult people at work, can create a daily hell when you have to interact with them. How do they show up and what can you do with them? A few weeks ago, my colleague and friend, Robert Imbriale, invited me to talk about my term, Hijackals–those chronically difficult people at work–on his

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I'll tell you what to think.
dealing with difficult people

Boomerang of Blame: Why Difficult People Make It All Your Fault

“It’s crazy-making! No matter how wrong s/he is, it’s always my fault. I’m to blame!” That’s what I hear from so many clients: everything is always their fault. That’s because they are in relationships with chronically difficult people, aka Hijackals®  (scroll down for a quick video: My partner is constantly blaming me!) There’s a reason:

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