Toxic Relationships & Narcissism Blog

drama in my relationship
assertiveness

You’re Not Me So You Don’t Know What I Think Or Feel.

Difficult people in your life–especially the relentlessly difficult ones I call Hijackals®–like to tell you what you think, what you feel, or what you should think or feel. That’s covert verbal abuse! Did you know that? Where do they get off doing that? Yet, many people are so used to that behavior that they no

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alienated by love

Ssssh! Your Secrets Are Never Safe With A Hijackal

Of course, you want the intimacy that is part of a loving relationship, especially the emotional intimacy of having that one special person who knows you better than almost everyone else. That’s natural. You long for closeness and safety. But, you have a tumultuous relationship with your partner, a relentlessly difficult person, a Hijackal®*. You

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Relationship Help: Are You Living with a High-Conflict Person?

High-conflict people leave you feeling used, abused and usually wrong. You cannot do enough to make them happy, get their approval, or feel you can relax. That takes relationship help. You may well be living or working with a high-conflict person if: you never quite feel you can trust them you always feel as though

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Anger Management

3 Immediate Ways to Empower Yourself When Someone is Angry

When someone is angry–especially when you are faced with an angry, relentlessly difficult person–always remember that the angrier they are, the more brain-dead they are. (Well, not really brain-dead, but when someone is angry, s/he is incapable of thinking straight, that’s for sure.) It’s a simple matter of body chemistry and physiology. The angrier you

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Anger Management

Keeping Your Cool When Hijackals™ Don’t!

Hijackals®–those relentlessly difficult people in your life–like to think they have power over you. They practice that–in fact, check that–by trying to make you lose your cool. It’s that simple! I’m going to help you with these steps for keeping  your cool around them. Usually, you are on guard for the next irritation when you’re

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How Do You Know If You’re With A Narcissist

Some Hijackals™ have traits that include those of narcissists. I think that too many people use clinical labels for the behaviors of others without knowing what they really mean. To make it easier for non-clinicians to be accurate when describing these behaviors, I created the term “Hijackas” From this panel series I did with Helen

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Setting Boundaries | Hints For Handling Hijackals®

Often, we don’t learn to set boundaries in our lives. Although it is never a good idea to be “boundary-less,” we are often in healthy situations where they are not as necessary as they are when you’re around a toxic person. Some people don’t feel entitled to maintain boundaries, either. They are prime prey for

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Gaslighting | Hijackal® Relationships

Have you started second-guessing yourself and questioning your sanity around your partner, parent or boss? Do you have a totally version of what happened in any situation than s/he does? You could be experiencing “gaslighting.” That’s when another person purposefully wants to be in control of your experience of a situation. In fact, they want

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Hoovering | Hijackal™ Relationships

“Hoovering?”  Yes, it’s a thing! It happens in relationships with Hijackals ™. Have you been “hoovered?” Have you walked away from the relationship for very good reasons? You were strong. You knew what you were doing and why you were doing it. And, then, somehow, you got sweet-talked, bargained with, promised, and cajoled into taking your

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