BIG MISTAKE!  Relationship problems are  often the natural result of thinking that our relationships come equipped with auto-pilot and cruise control. Relationship problems arise when we think our relationships can fall into the “Set & Forget” category of life. What are you thinking?

People–and, more frequently,  men people–think that once the partner, spouse or soulmate compartment is filled, they can relax, go on cruise control, or auto-pilot. It’s all good and it will keep on being good, just as they left it, they think.

If you think of your relationship as a wonderfully healthy, thriving plant, could you just put it in the kitchen and forget about it? Would it stay a vital, living, rewarding addition to the life of the room with no attention? Of course not, it would survive for a while, though droopy. Then, it would begin to drop its leaves, crying out for water. Then, it would turn into a stick and shrivel up. You’ve still got the plant, but do you still want it? Somehow, it has lost its appeal through your own neglect!

That’s how some people treat their relationships. Not a wildly caring , pro-active or enthusiastic approach to raising healthy growing plants, or relationships, is it? Just like the plant, it is much harder to revive an ailing relationship than it is to keep it healthy and vibrant. And, as we all know, too little attention, too late leads to dead plants!

Relationships need tending. They need attention. They need forethought. A little planning helps a lot. Your beloved needs to be at the top of your mind, or not very far off, all the time.  You might be thinking, “Are you kidding!!!?” and the answer would be “NO!.”

Oh, yes, that sounds like work. Maybe it even sounds like too much when you’re so busy trying to earn a living, bring up kids, take care of aging parents, or are concerned about other major life choices. But, your relationship is like the plant: it thrives on frequent attention, nourishment, nurturing and consideration.

A partner is defined as someone who shares with you in a relationship, an action or an endeavor. Operant word? SHARE. That is the direct opposite of ignoring, withholding, or withdrawing. You have a partner so that your heart and mind stay open and loving. It’s a joy to do life together. It is meant to be an enhancement. At its best, it is two people  sharing a world view, a world of love and a world class relationship! It is double the love, double the problem-solving ability and double the fun. It’s being able to accomplish two things at once, so that you can create more time to spend together. And, yes, it takes thought, willingness and giving. And, the joy of a loving partnership is absolutely worth it.  I know, because I’ve experienced  it both ways, and the joyful part is much better!

Is it time to disconnect your auto-pilot and take your relationship off cruise control?

♥ I’m always available to help you with in-person or telephone counseling and mediation.  Take advantage of the free 32-minute consultation for new clients by CLICKING HERE. ~ Dr. Rhoberta Shaler ~ Join me on Twitter at or Facebook



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