Do you have a running commentary in your head about everything, and everyone you see?
Glass half full, or glass half empty? What are you seeing and how is it affecting your relationship?
Most folks do have a running commentary–or even relentless judgment–running in their heads. The question is: is it mostly positive, or mostly negative? That’s the deciding factor for quality of life.
What does this running commentary of negative judgments do to or for your relationships? That’s today’s question.
If you habitually see glasses half-empty, or, if you are the local expert on downside potential, you better believe this is negatively affecting your relationships.
People with a negative mindset are much more likely to find fault, complain, and leap to conclusions, demands and threats, too! It just goes with the territory.
If the chatter in your head could use an upgrade, now’s the time to do so. You cannot do it any younger!
You likely came by this chatter quite honestly from your early life. The people around you gift you with their attitudes, mindsets, fears and beliefs. Where do you think you got the habit? When you identify that, you will be able to ask yourself if that was something that you appreciated, approved of and wanted to emulate. If not, it’s time for a change.
When you become conscious of a negative thought habit, you will be able to replace it with a neutral or positive one. Now, some things are simply factual and negative. Keep those distinctions. Becoming a Pollyanna is denial at its best. That’s not what I’m suggesting.
What I AM suggesting is that you become more aware of the direction the conversation in your head goes, and all too often, takes it out through your mouth. This is where real danger lies for your relationships.
Here’s an example:
NEGATIVE: People are such a waste of time, energy and breath.
NEUTRAL: Some people I’ve met have not contributed much to my life.
POSITIVE: There are some great folks I have healthy, reciprocal relationships with.
You can see how this change can be beneficial to you. You are thinking about the upside, the positive.
You can also see how it would affect your relationships; how it might be a relationship help to be more positive. Right?
You do the math!
© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD is The Relationship Help Doctor. Therapist, mediator and author, Dr. Shaler works with individuals, couples, families and workplace teams to improve communication, conflict management and collaboration, important skills for healthy relationships. She sees clients in her office in Escondido, CA in San Diego County, and worldwide through the magic of the internet. You can even join a class or book an appointment online at OptimizeCenter.com/join Classes are held in person and online.