What could be better than to feel empowered, inspired, and balanced? Nothing. Here’s a bit of relationship advice for liking yourself more, and treating yourself well.
Compassion is a good thing, a desirable quality, right? You demonstrate it in your relationships with others. You see their pain. You walk in their moccassins. You have empathy and understanding. You go the extra mile.
Do you have compassion for yourself? You need it to feel empowered.
Or, are do you think deep down inside you’ll only be a really good person if you are a 24/7 giving machine, self-less and exhausted? I hope you don’t think OR believe that. Balance is absolutely necessary in all things.
Some philosophies and belief systems suggest that you should “give until it hurts.” Did you pick that up anywhere along your travels? Do you believe it when you really think about it?
First of all, beware of anything that has a should in it! I wrote about that extensively in Kaizen For Couples: Smart Steps to Save, Sustain & Strengthen Your Relationship. You might accept those sneaky shoulds just because someone like your mother, teacher, or other grown-up you admired passed them along. Think about it. Is it right for you? Is it fair? Is it accurate? Do you believe it?
Secondly, ask yourself why you think that giving until it hurts is a good idea. If everyone did it, we’d all be in pain all of the time. What sense would that make?
Compassion is something you were likely taught to have for others people, particularly those less fortunate. It is most often outwardly-directed and other-focused. Today, I invite you to treat yourself with compassion by doing three essential things daily. You’re worth twenty minutes each day. That’s only 1.38% of your day!
A friend and colleague wrote a post on Facebook recently talking about how she had been coping with her business needs, her family needs, and all the logistics of the passing of her mother and another close relative in past six weeks. She coped. She made it. She did what she wanted to do and what she needed to do. And, she woke up exhausted, drained, and in desperate need of restoration. Her tears told her that this wasn’t the day to just suck it up and keep going. She needed to treat herself with compassion. She took herself off the clock and out of the equation. She metaphorically crawled under the porch to heal, rest, and regroup. Wise woman.
You cannot give a gift you do not have. You cannot be kind to others when you’re not kind to yourself. At least, not without feeling a twinge of resentment now and again. (Saints excluded…lol.) You likely can do it for a while, of course. Then, wisdom prevails…hopefully. You are then kind to yourself. You extend that understanding, love, and compassion to yourself. You deserve time for rest and restoration.
Are you compassionate to yourself every day? Do you give yourself the time and focus to do what restores you, feeds you, nourishes and uplifts you? When you do that, you always have reserves to give to others. When you’re running on empty, as fast as you can, you’re in trouble.
Do these three things daily to feel empowered, inspired, and balanced:
- Spend quiet time with yourself for ten minutes (or more) a day. Use the time to just sit and tune in, or as G. Charles Andersen and I wrote in our book called Soul Solitude: Taking Time For Our Souls To Catch Up, just sit, fall silent, and listen.
Ask yourself: What am I thinking? What am I feeling? What do I need right now? What do I want? You’ll learn a lot.
- Get in touch with yourself through some deep breathing. It’s the least-expensive, most effective vacation you can take. Inhale through your nose for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 7, and release the breath fully through your mouth for a count of 8, at least three times. Do this any time you want to relax, reduce stress, or want to be able to sleep. Do it often throughout the day.
- Release yourself from being responsible for other people, their needs, wants, feelings, or expectations. Those belong to them, and they have to fulfill them…or not. (Of course, that doesn’t apply to any small children you might be raising.) You may happily give to others when you have the gifts to give. When you’re rested, peaceful, and centered, you have those gifts to give. Give freely. When you take on the responsibility of meeting the needs of others, that’s not your job. You are responsible for who you are and what you think, say, and do. Focus on that.
If you’ll give yourself the time to do these three life-giving things, you will feel better, have a better outlook, and establish more balance in your life. Be compassionate to yourself. Best of all, you will feel empowered with much to give!
If you want more vital tips for relationships with yourself and others, it’s available HERE. If you know you need help and want to work with me,Dr. Shaler, you can apply for a complimentary half-hour Relationship Relief session HERE.