Verbal abuse is far more common than anyone would like to think. Have you been verbally abused?
If we come from a history of harsh parents, or strict teachers… where we were in position of subordination, it’s entirely possible we don’t even recognize what verbal abuse sounds like.
Have you been spoken to strongly? Or… have you been verbally abused?
It’s a fine line, for some. For others, there is no question what’s what!
And that verbal abuse gets built into us, seems somehow normal, and we go on, even tolerating it from our partners, parents, or co-workers.
When you’ve been verbally abused, one of three things usually happen:
- You repeat the verbal abuse.
- You live in fear and become a people-pleaser, taking what others hand out.
- You get some help to become your own person, living your own values and vision for your life, and take back your life.
Being verbally abusive gives the abuser a sense of power over someone. It’s been well-defined by The National Domestic Violence Hotline in terms of a partner. This definition applies to any relationship:
“Abuse is a repetitive pattern of behaviors to maintain power and control over an intimate partner. These are behaviors that physically harm, arouse fear, prevent a partner from doing what they wish or force them to behave in ways they do not want. Abuse includes the use of physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse and economic deprivation. Many of these different forms of abuse can be going on at any one time.”
Scary, right? And, being verbally abused is far more common than you or I think, or want to think.
I have been verbally abused. Maybe you’ll recognized some of these ways it showed up for me:
My mother was both verbally and emotionally abusive. Did I know that as a kid? Yes. I didn’t have a name for it. No. It just felt really bad, and I hated the way she constantly put me down, found daily things, hourly things, to criticize.
One of her best was how often she told me she had never wanted kids. No wonder I’m an only child! (And Dad wanted a boy, so I lost on both sides!) So, even though it felt all wrong, as a child, I was powerless to define another way of thinking about myself than what my mother was serving up daily.
Where was my father in all this? He was away from the home as often as possible. He couldn’t stand her, either. Looking back, it’s not surprising that he decided to become a commercial fisherman when I was young. He had an ironclad reason for being away six months of the year. Not surprisingly, he also had serious health issues. That put him in the hospital most years for at least three months of his time at home…and the rest of that time? He spent it in the pool room that was off limits to women.
Another face of abuse in my young life: my father would not come home for dinner on time, and my mother would drive to the pool room and force me to go in and get him. Do you see that’s abuse? I hope so. That’s just not appropriate on any level!
Do any of these scenarios sound a little familiar to you? If so, think back to the words. It’s likely you have been verbally abused, too.
None of us are alone in this, although most of us feel very alone. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention’s December 17th, 2010 edition of the CDC’s journal Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report disclosed that:
“About a quarter of the more than 26,000 adults surveyed reported experiencing verbal abuse as children, nearly 15% had been physically abused, and more than 12% — more than one in 10 — had been sexually abused as a child. …Almost one in five respondents (19.4%) had lived as a child with someone who was depressed, mentally ill, or suicidal.”
- You can heal.
- You can stop feeling there is something wrong with you.
- You can give up blaming yourself,
- You can stop pushing people away.
- You can give up blaming your partner.
- You can find your own personal power.
- You can release yourself from the shackles of your past, and feel free.
- And, it can give you a new lease on life with your partner and your children!
Verbal abuse, whether saved for behind closed doors or screamed loudly in the supermarket, has a definitive negative effect on everyone.
It’s far too common. It can be keeping you from experiencing love, respect, and safety in relationships. That’s too high a price to pay…and, it keeps taking its toll until you see it, name it, and eradicate it from your daily life. You deserve that!
Want help identifying if you’ve been verbally abused? Consider booking my one-hour introductory session and we can talk it through.
