Relationship Problems: Can You Fall Out of Love?

Is love some kind of dangerous  extreme sport?

"He fell for her, hook, line and sinker."

"I fell head over heels."

"I took the plunge."

"We fell headlong..."

"There were sparks that ignited my world."

AND, THEN....

"We've fallen out of love."

Clearly, one has to be intrepid to take up all this extreme activity in the first place. Nature, though, leads us into the heights and depths when we are first smitten. And, there we are: swinging, free of helmets, rip cords and safety harnesses. We have fallen in love...we think.

The joy of even thinking about the object of our desire lifts us to wax poetic. We are consumed by thoughts of our beloved. We know it is perfect. S/he is all that we need to complete us. It will last forever.  And, that is how nature intended it. We are looking for a mate and we all have different reasons and seasons. Mating, however is not love.

Love does indeed make the world go round, and it can also make our personal worlds spin...and, not always in a good way.

What is happening when we say we are falling out of love?

  • things we loved become irritating
  • things we didn't notice become headlines
  • our attention drifts back to our careers
  • babies draw attention from spouses
  • other people criticize our mates and we begin to look at them differently
  • we put off intimacy for times when we are too tired, too overwhelmed, too indifferent
  • we take our relationship for granted and make other things a priority
  • other people begin to look compellingly appealing

The BIG question is:

"Were we really in love in the first place, or was it lust, fascination, infatuation, or simply the  promise of improved circumstances and conditions?"

Love has no conditions, circumstances or conditions under which it will fold.  Lust, fascination, infatuation,  or the promise of more stuff, bigger houses, regular sex, and more disposable income are rife with opportunities to move on to something supposedly "better."

If we ever truly loved our partners, we may choose to end the relationship but it won't be because we have fallen out of love. It will be because we are emotional grown-ups who love each other enough to realize that we would each have a more expansive, fulfilling life apart.  And, we'll always love each other. That's the big difference!

 

 

 

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