What ever has happened to our interactions when business acquaintances hug and teachers aren’t allowed to, elementary school students have sex and married folks don’t! No wonder there are relationship problems.
There are just as many troubled business folks as troubled teachers…and, I would guess there might be a few more in the former group. That argument doesn’t hold water. Elementary school children are too young to know what they’re doing and married folks should know and enjoy their freedom to engage. So, there has never been a time when the phrase “out of touch” is more meaningful!
In one case, touch is almost a meaningless ritual, in the other a genuine attempt to make a child feel seen, acknowledged and appreciated. And, then, in our primary spousal units–our PSI’s–we have been trained to think that as we age things wither in the touching department. The propaganda suggests that women lose their interest while men complain about it. Then, when men’s prowess or potency reduces, woman are either long suffering, secretly glad, or, knowingly supportive, so it goes. NOT NECESSARILY!
Yes, I did use the word ‘propaganda’ because in so many cases, it is not the body that is letting the relationship go cold, it’s the mind and heart! The media would like to blame our bodies, but relationship problems have gone unchecked, conflicts unresolved and issues unspoken. That will kill any desire and you know that. But, oh, it is so much easier to blame it on the body, or hormones, or our spouses.
Now, before you get your knickers in a twist about your legitimate medical issues, I’m talking in generalities here. I know some folks have a difficult time with bodies, especially through menopause. But, menopause ends and there is SO much more to enjoy once the hormones have had their hizzy fits!
Male menopause takes just as much loving understanding as the female variety, and, when walked through with open communication and the willingness to learn, responds just as well.
I was once married to a man ten years younger than myself. We had a wonderful beginning, as most folks do. Slowly it deteriorated over eight years through the trials of career building, exhaustion, lack of in-depth communication and the recognition that ten years difference in age makes a big difference. We didn’t even like each other’s music. We couldn’t discuss our “generations” and, you guessed it, off he went with a woman his own age!
Now, what was germane to our topic today is that his excuse was that, as I was going through menopause in a flash of internal heat, he justified his roaming with this now-classic phrase:
“I’m too young to have to be with a woman going through menopause.”
When he finally admitted his indiscretion and his desire to go off into the sunset with his new-found companion, I could not help but remind him:
“If you think going through menopause was a strain, why are you choosing to do it twice?”
Of course, he didn’t see the humor. But, once the body has had it’s tantrum, the other side of that journey is remarkable freedom and an awakening to allow yourself to enjoy intimacy in all its glory.
Oh, someone told you you needed help to generate that glow? No, not necessarily true although it does feed a whole industry. Meds not required! You need a healthy attitude, a delight and curiosity, and the time and willingness to focus on each other and your relationship. The body responds when the mind and heart say “Yes!”
And, Gentlemen, when you demonstrate your interest in intimacy at this time of life, you have all the time in the world. There is no hurry, race or chase. Luxuriate in touch and you’ll be surprised at what arises: renewed interest, openness and appreciation. That’s called intimacy and, it obviously leads to more of the same.
NOW, ABOUT THE THINGS YOU’VE SWEPT UNDER THE RUG THAT ARE NOW TRIPPING YOU UP: DEAL WITH THEM!
That’s why I specialize in couples counseling and mediation. Too many things swept under the rug over time make too many bumps. Some have even turned mole hills into mountains that seem insurmountable. Most aren’t but you will need help. No one climbs mountains alone. It’s not safe!
So, if you have relationship problems that are threatening your peace, love, joy and intimacy, it’s time to resolve them and get that carpet lying flat once again–so you can dance on it!
I want you to experience the joy of re-kindling your love and re-igniting your fire. Call me and let’s talk soon. The Optimize Center – 760.593.4604. Sessions in my office or meet on the phone.
Just a little something I wanted to say today.