Becoming other wise is one of the greatest benefits of getting relationship help, even when you don’t think you need it. Gathering insights and learning skills proactively keeps your relationship healthy and strong. Don’t wait for a problem!
Recently, I was invited to speak at a women’s conference just an hour away from my home. Many of the attendees have heard me speak in other venues, so I wanted to take them deeper into creating healthy, strong relationships with significant others. The topic I chose was “Sex, Lies & Cellphones: Rx for Becoming “Other” Wise. That’s really step two on my RelationSteps™. The first is self-awareness.
There is little point in becoming “other” wise if we don’t know ourselves well. That’s a major problem in many relationships. Folks hope that getting into a relationship will make them happy when they couldn’t make themselves happy when they were alone. Thorny little conundrum! But, believe me, you have to be able to be happy alone or you will put undue pressure on your relationship. That pressure may be voiced or not, but it is still harping away inside, that little voice saying, “You are supposed to make me happy.”
What is it that causes us to think that someone else will make us happy, or should make us happy? Really, it’s an inside job that people often shrink away from. They get really involved with the busyness of life. If you’re on the run, even if you’re doing fun things most of the time, it’s important to notice that you may be on the run from yourself. And, you know, you just can’t outrun yourself, try as you might.
Being happy is your job. When you are happy, you will be attractive.
So, the first of the RelationSteps™ is Self-awareness. You can get a big hand up with this one if you’ll just read our book, Soul Solitude: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up. That book will really help you to think through things you may have been avoiding, and things you must address to be self-aware, especially in a relationship.
The second of the RelationSteps™ is “Becoming “Other” Wise. To have a healthy, strong relationship, it is important for both partners to have honesty, safety, trust and respect, for themselves, and with and for each other. We also need good skills for communicating, managing conflict, deepening intimacy and growing together, but it all starts with those imperative four. Do you have them in your significant relationship? Take the time to think about this. It’s easy to gloss over.
Honest, safety, trust, and respect are required in any healthy relationship, not just the one with your SO, your significant other. Wouldn’t it be a much happier workplace if everyone could count on one another to invest in creating an honest, safe, trusting and respectful work environment? It’s also the kind of relationship you want to have with your parents, your children, and your family and friends.
It all starts with you and your self-awareness. Take the time for some Soul Solitude, some quiet sitting with yourself, receptive and open to the thoughts that come along. Ask yourself some questions about how you express your values, vision, beliefs and purpose in all that you do, everywhere you go. Invest time learning about yourself.
Then, you are ready to be “other” wise in more significant ways.
© Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor. If you are experiencing verbal abuse, emotional abuse, or any other thing in your relationship that has you feeling trapped, degraded, and angry, start by downloading my free ebook, How To Spot A Hijackal , and then join my Closed Facebook group, Optimize Life, to get the insights, strategies, and support you need to make positive changes. ForRelationshipHelp.com
RelationSteps™ are nine steps to creating a world-class relationship with your significant other. I don’t publish them anywhere. I use them in my work with individuals and couples.