You may not even realize that you’re giving away your power.
After all, who would do that on purpose?
It’s sneaky. It’s covert. It’s stealthy. It starts small and grows.
First, you wanted to be nice. That’s right. Your mother told you to be nice, and you soon learned that people liked that. So you did more of it.
There’s nothing wrong with being nice, except when you realize that you have given away your soul. You’re doing and saying things that make others happy, but erode your sense of yourself, and your well-being.
How do you know if that’s happening for you? You spend a few minutes getting in touch with the resentment you have. And, the more your touch and acknowledge it, the more resentment you feel, until you want to throw things, rip things down, and stomp them! That’s when you know that “nice” and “authenticity” are not in alignment for you.
Second, you put other people first. Yes, your mother told you that was a good idea, too. And, in most situations, she was right. However, when it is a habit and not a conscious act, you can sabotage yourself and your gifts. One of the worst ideas our culture likes to put forward–in my not so humble opinion–is “Give until it hurts.” Who the hell came up with that dumb idea? What a mess that makes of your internal world, if you believe it.
Balance in all things is essential, and that goes for giving, too.
You cannot give a gift you do not have. So, if you have it, you give it, as long as you maintain balance in your life and system. If you get out of balance, you’ll quickly go into resentment, and then you’ll try to stuff that because ‘It’s not nice.” You see the circularity of all this. A horrible mess of messages that conflict!
Third, you matter! To create balance, you can be nice, and put each other first, as long as you are good to yourself, too. You matter! Treat yourself as though you do. Just because someone wants something from you, wants you to do something with or for them, does not mean it is anything more than an invitation. If it becomes–or seems like–a demand, step back. You’re just about to give away your power. Don’t do that.
You matter! Treat yourself as though you do. Stop giving away your power. Stop living up to the expectations of others.
Live in a way that demonstrates your values. Speak in ways that are in alignment with your authentic self. Spend enough time alone in quiet reflect each day to know what is best and next for you. You’ll soon recognize that you can be nice, put others first when consciously appropriate, and live as if you matter. And, that’s perfect, because you do!
This video, titled “Are You Looking For A Fight Or Looking To Make Things Right” may have some helpful insights. Don’t forget to visit the Relationship Help Channel for more videos!
Disclaimer: All advice, insights and suggestions made here are not to be construed as psychological or legal advice. Any actions you undertake as a result of reading any article, book, video, ebook or blog post from Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, are entirely your own. Having worked with individuals and couples for more than twenty-five years, she offers her insights and opinions for your consideration only.