Letting love slip away happens when you lose focus on what is most important: your relationship.
Too often, relationships that start well-connected begin to lose their moorings.
Letting love slip away is like having a boat that you valued so much and spent so much time enjoying. That boat was a dream, something you longed for, finally found, and could not wait to enjoy fully. And, for quite a while, you gave it your full attention. You spent as much time as possible with it, exploring and learning. Each new insight thrilled you. Then, one day, you dropped anchor, tied up, and turned your attention to your work. You intended to return soon.
Slowly, life intervened…and you let it. It seemed OK. You could justify it. Work took more time. Family took time. Friends, hobbies, gyms, sports, shopping, etc. all took time. You thought you were being reasonable. And, you were, with the exception of one very important thing: your boat. It was slowly drifting with the tide, lengthening the bowlines, and moving away from shore.
Your boat, the thing that you longed for, worked for, and finally had, was now just a possession. It’s no longer the bright, shiny focus of your daily life. You have it, so you think it will always be waiting for you. It might be, but it won’t be what it once was.
Has your relationship become that boat? Are you taking it for granted because you think it will always be there? Because you already have it, do you think it doesn’t require interest, attention. love and caring? Do you think the work is over?
NO!! Love, like an ignored boat, loses its luster. The brass begins to corrode. The paint fades. The hull gets covered with barnacles. And, the longer you fail to pay attention, the more frayed the ropes become. Soon, if you’re not careful, the boat will slip its tether and drift out to sea.
If you are letting love slip away, recognize you’re making a choice to do so. I know that hurts, but reality often does.
You CAN change your mind and your ways. You can return to really seeing, listening, and caring about your partner. Make time for each other, special time with nothing else going on but being together.
Both of you are changing and growing. That means there is newness. All you have to do is look for it. Tune into each other and be willing to share what you’re thinking, feeling, needing, and wanting. (If you want a great way to do that, read my book, Kaizen for Couples: Smart Steps to Save, Sustain & Strengthen Your Relationship.)
There is always something to learn about your partner, whether it is startling or subtle. Maybe, it’s a new interest, or perhaps, a new way of seeing his/herself in the light of something that happened today. When you consciously make time to talk, the newness emerges. And, along with it, you’ll discover renewed interest and deeper emotional intimacy.
Letting love slip away is a waste. Imagine how you’d feel if your long sought after boat sunk! Don’t let it happen. Pay attention now!
If your relationship is slipping its moorings and you know you need help to tie a better knot, you can work directly with me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, from wherever you are through Skype. Muddling through and hoping for the best is not wise, practical, or effective. Let’s talk soon.
Disclaimer: All advice, insights and suggestions made here are not to be construed as psychological or legal advice. Any actions you undertake as a result of reading any article, book, video, ebook or blog post from Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, are entirely your own. Having worked with individuals and couples for more than twenty-five years, she offers her insights and opinions for your consideration only.