Relationship Help: Are You a Perfectionist?

Get relationship help to overcome perfectionismIf you are a perfectionist, you are not alone.

And, you are allowed to relax, release, and recover from your perfectionistic ways.

That's good news because being a perfectionist is exhausting for you and for those close to you.

If any of these things ring true, you'll recognize your perfectionistic ways and know that you could benefit from a little relationship help:

  • You simply cannot do something in a hurry-up, make-do manner.
  • You fear making mistakes because you might get blamed and that would be unthinkable.
  • You would like to have the word, mediocre, removed from the dictionary.
  • You have to have your fingers pried off projects because you just know delegating them to someone else is dooming them to failure.
  • The word, failure, strikes you in your gut and shakes you to your core.
  • You believe there are no half measures: if something is not done perfectly, it must be a mess.
  • You believe there is no middle ground between completely right and completely wrong.
  • You want to scream when folks tell you to slow down, relax, and "don't sweat the small stuff."
  • You have no idea what doing a "good enough" job is, nor how to allow yourself to do it.
  • You cannot let yourself off the hook, no matter what.
  • Your internal critic works overtime and never takes a day off.
  • Asking for help is worse than having a root canal.
  • You are very competitive, although you think you are hiding it well.
  • You overreact when someone points out you even "might" have made a mistake. (Think crying and running from the room!)
  • You are aware of the expectations of everyone in the whole world.
  • When or if--horror of horrors!--you do make a mistake, you obsess about it while justifying it righteously.
  • You have no problem pointing out the flaws in other people, or the ways in which they do things.
  • You are your own worst enemy and you are afraid you know it and could do something about it...but, you'd have to admit you're not perfect!!!

Any bells ringing here? Don't worry...yet!


You came by your perfectionism honestly. It was likely a gift from your parents, right? Sure, it was. They started it and you have kept it going, and going....and going.

Time to stop! It's just too hard to live that way, and other people find it hard to live with perfectionists. Perfectionism is often "outed" for the rabid monster that it is, and it is reduced to a useful, just-when-I-need it size with some expert relationship help.  If you want to out that monster, I'll help.

It is easy for us to work together no matter where you are in the world. We'll have our sessions on Zoom video. You can book an appointment online by CLICKING HERE.

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  1. Maria Carter - Reply

    I have to admit that I WAS a perfectionist … Ok, the truth … I admit that I still have perfectionist ‘tendencies’and only occasionally get carried away. Fortunately, I have Rhoberta and others to remind me of this detriment and steer me toward more productive paths. I love her perspective (and writing), and recognize that she ‘knows her stuff,’ which I am in total alignment with my own teaching.

    • DrShaler - Reply

      Thanks for your comment, Maria. The reason I know some things about being a perfectionist is that I, too, am a recovering perfectionist. So, we remind each other to see the possibilities of encroaching perfectionism in our planning, or even our expectations, and that really helps us both. The first step to recovery is to recognize and identify the tendencies in ourselves. Yes, we are aligned in what we teach…and do our best to live it each day.

  2. @CoachLaura - Reply

    I have it bad! I’m willing to work on it, but I have to do it right 😉 LOL… Actually, I find it useful to lighten up about my perfectionism so that I can loosen the grip it can have. So I’ve started practicing a new mantra, “Done is better than perfect.”

    • DrShaler - Reply

      Great, Laura. I guess you’re also adopting the copywriter’s mantra: “Better written than right!” That’s been one that’s been very useful for me. So, enjoy it, too!!

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