Are you thinking of love? Whether you are filled with joy at the love you share with a significant other, or, you are feeling empty and alone, you are still thinking of love. How do you put love first?

As the greeting card industry makes Valentine’s Day into a day for lovers, let’s us make today the day to celebrate love of all kinds…and let’s begin with love for ourselves!

Today is the day to take yourself out for your favorite food, wear you favorite clothes, buy the flowers you admire, and call everyone you care about and tell them you love them. Put love first today.  Love is in the giving, and you have lots of love to give. You renew that resource yourself!

I want to be clear that I am not suggesting that you do what some foolish myth says “Give ’til it hurts!” That’s the most absurd thing when you really think about it. Giving feels good. When it stops feeling good, it is time to re-evaluate the relationship with yourself and with the other person.

Some folks have been taught to believe that if you just dig deeper, go further and push through resentment, you’ll somehow be a better person. That leads to deep-seated anger which won’t stay hidden forever. We give love because we want to. Simple as that. Sure, sometimes, we have to do a few mental gymnastics to remind ourselves of the principles we choose to live from in this moment. It doesn’t always come completely naturally. We may have to undo a few ‘gifts’ from the past to embrace our possible now. It is possible, though, to re-focus and put love first. It can transform your life!

Open your heart today. Put love first. A heart fully alive understands that only through openness can love be fully experienced. Everything is understood by its opposite. Never be afraid of pain. Embrace love now.

Talk soon.
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
The Relationship Help Doctor
Author of Kaizen for Couples: Smart Steps to Save, Sustain & Strengthen Your Relationship

Ready to solve some issues while deepening and strengthening your relationship? I can help. Start with a free half-hour consultation. Ask here.

Comments (with optional Facebook sharing - note, selecting share will post to your timeline)

Spread the word. Share this post!

3 comments

  1. Mairin -

    “Whether you are filled with joy at the love you share with a significant other, or, you are feeling empty and alone,”… I take exception to that statement. It implies if one is not in a relationshp, one is “empty and alone.” Well, I am not in a relationship, but I am very happy, fulfilled, and am not alone. Time to get with the times and banish that tired old statement of yesteryear. In today’s world, it’s possible (and very often probable) that one completely whole as a soloist. My two cents…:)

    • somethingelse -

      i think rhoberta was referring to feeling empty and alone IN your relationship, not to being single… a lot of people stay in relationships they’re not happy in, for myriad reasons. I got from this post that she was suggesting if you’re IN a relationship that’s not making you happy, then start focusing on yourself and make YOURSELF happy instead of waiting for your partner to do it…

      and it’s absolutely possible to be perfectly happy, fulfilled and full of love without a life partner, so glad to know you’re one!

    • DrShaler -

      Hello, Mairin, I was writing about possible ways of feeling when IN a relationship ” filled with joy at the love you share…or feeling empty and alone. So many times I’ve heard clients say that they have never felt as alone as they have, or do, in their current (or ended) relationship. I do think that is a very cold place to be.

      On the other hand, the solo life offers the full spectrum, too. It can also go from full, rich, joyful and centered to lonely, cut-off and discouraged. The one thing I do feel clear about, is that we are authors of our own lives and can choose a relationship with ourselves and/or relationships with others that purposefully create joy, attention, interest, acceptance, gratitude, trust, delight, learning, depth, breadth and love.

      I hope that clarifies my intention in this blog post. Having spent much of my life single, I am truly aware of the choice to live fulfilled in or out of a relationships!

Comments are closed.