You may be living in the world of ‘let’s pretend’ if you think that Valentine’s Day is going to produce relationship magic! It won’t!

Valentines Day may offer all the bells and whistles that are supposed to make your heart sing, but the song will be short. Why? Because a day, flowers, wine, chocolates, and a night of “sex because we’re supposed to” won’t make a difference to the issues that are keeping you both wanting more than what you’re getting day by day.

The look of a relationship is not the substance of a relationship.  I’m not being Debbie Downer here. It’s simply the truth.  Love doesn’t come in a chocolate box, an extravagant dinner, or even a piece of jewelry. Love is an everyday thing!  And, one day can’t make up for most days!

Understanding that, then, what can you do to get the magic back? 

  • Create frequent “talk” or “catch up” mini-dates in the week. These are times–a half hour to forty-five minutes–when you talk about what’s going on in life for each of you, AND IMPORTANTLY, how you are feeling about it.  This is not a time to deal with logistics, finances, kids, or other things that belong in the infrastructure categories. This is a time to catch-up with how your partner is feeling about how life is going, in this moment, for both of you.
  • Listen well. That means that you don’t get defensive, argue, debate, or confront. You listen. I’ve said many times in my blog posts: You listen to feelings, you don’t fix them!
  • Speak to your partner as you would like to be spoken to. Not rocket science, and not new, but monitoring your mouth makes a big difference in getting the magic back.
  • Get some help. Strong people get help. Weak ones don’t. It’s that simple. You weren’t born knowing how to have a fabulous relationship. Learn new skills, and get greater insights into your relationship by working with an experienced professional.
  • Focus on the positive, and catch your partner doing things right…and comment on them.  Soon, there will be much less fault-finding and a lot more appreciation in your relationship.

There’s a few ways to conjure up some long-term magic. One Hallmark holiday simply won’t do it. It’s what you do every day that counts!

If you know you’re ready for help, we can work together, in-person or through Skype or Google+. No worries where you are in the world, we can still work together. Grab a copy of my book, KAIZEN FOR COUPLES: Smart Steps to Save, Sustain & Strengthen Your Relationship, too.  Learn more HERE. 

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