We all experience loss. Someone leaves us. Someone dies. Jobs end. Children leave home or stop talking to us. Loss feels bad. And, it takes longer to heal after a loss than you wish it did!

Loss hurts! It makes you question life, love, values and beliefs. It can turn you from a peaceful person into an angry, hurt, scared and/or depressed person for a while. And, that’s normal.

Some folks will tell you to get it together and get over it. I’m not one of them. I’m going to tell you to experience and learn from the loss.

Give yourself permission to feel. And, yes, it hurts! But denying these feelings, or glossing them over with perky positives, just send them underground where they lie in wait to sabotage you at inopportune moments.

Why do your friends tell you to perk up, pick yourself up and get over it?  Because they don’t know what to do with you when you’re down.  They want you to stop hurting and they want everything to go back to the way it was before the loss.  Oh, for a magic wand!

When you experience a loss, you change. Your world changes. It may cause you to question your values, your lifestyle, or your worth. These are BIG issues! And, they take time to work through. You cannot push this river, and I hope you won’t try. It takes the time it takes and not one minute more or less.

Everyone is different, too, when it comes to healing after a loss.

Depending on your belief system–not just spiritual beliefs but beliefs about life, love and struggle, you will experience loss from that point of view. It’s popular now to say, “Everything happens for a reason.”   If that is your true point of view rather than just a way to stop thinking about things or to shut down a conversation, then, you will have a different experience than someone who is in the question of “Why me? Why now? What did I do to deserve this?”  

There is no right way to grieve a loss and no right timeline for assimilating one, either.  Give yourself the time you need to feel whole again, albeit in a new way.  It is quite natural for this to take eighteen to twenty-four months.  Take the time you need to process this and reconstruct your life. Of course, if you find that you cannot get there, it’s wise to get some professional help.

Then, when you’re ready to venture out, be careful with yourself. Take it slowly. Baby steps are good. Test your waters your way. Be self-reflective and assess your steps: too quick, too slow, or just right. And, then step again.

It takes longer to heal after a loss than you wish it did. It takes longer than your friends wish it did. It takes what it takes. Give yourself permission to take care of you.

If you need help to heal, let’s work together. You can even book your own appointment online with me , Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor, HERE.  We can meet in-person in my office or thru Skype or Google+.

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