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12 Things Passive-Aggressive People ALWAYS Do, But Don’t Often Realize

You could be pushing away the most important people in your life.

You want to be seen, know, loved, and valued. Of course, you do. Yet, you may be afraid to really enter into relationships. One way people think protects them from intimacy is to adopt passive-aggressive behaviors.

You push people away with passive-aggressive behaviors, right when you're longing for them to come closer. The good news is that you can change. And, if the passive-aggressive behaviors belong to someone else, you can learn how to recognize what's going on and make some changes. That's what today's podcast is all about.

You know about Hijackals®, those relentlessly difficult, toxic, disturbing--and often dangerous--people we talk about here on Save Your Sanity. Well, all Hijackals are passive-aggressivebut not all passive-aggressive people are Hijackals. That's good news, because you might have been thinking otherwise.

In this episode, I'm sharing twelve things--twelve infuriating things--that passive-aggressive people do that can drive others crazy. And, unfortunately, can drive them away.

I mentioned my free PassiveAggressiveChecklist.com site, where you can dive deeply into learning more about yourself or that person whose crazy-making behaviors are causing you to wonder if you want to be around them. Understanding what is passive-aggressive, and what is not is the best place to start. The Checklist is in-depth. In fact, it has two parts. When you complete the first and you recognize you need to know more, the checklist generates a second checklist for you to complete. It's a really effective learning tool

Think about these twelve things in today's podcast. How many are present within you, or within in your relationship with the others. How's that working for you? Whether that's your partner, ex, mother, father, friend, or co-worker, you want to understand what's really going on.

Notice what you are feeling. Ask yourself these questions after you listen:

  • Do I ever behave in any of these ways?
  • How do I currently respond when others behave like this?
  • Is it serving me? Is it serving them?
  • Am I completely kind and honest in my communications?
  • Do I tell the truth--again kindly and honestly--when asked for my opinion, or whether or not I'll do something?
  • Do I drag my feet once I've agreed to do something? Does someone I care about?
  • How can I release my own passive-aggressive tendencies?

Start with yourself. Then, learn to manage passive-aggressive behaviors and relationships. I've done a few videos on my YouTube channel to help you learn more. Subscribe to it HERE.

You can make it stop. Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an introductory session here.

I hope this empowers you to make positive changes.

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2 comments

  1. Tracy Milker - Reply

    Finally got to listen to passive aggressive tape. Some points are very directed at myself but I do not say I’ll do things n not do! What I need to really work on is how angry I am that I allowed this person in my life treat me so terrible. I know I must forgive him in order to move on but until court is settled I have to carry on with anger because if I forgive him now he well walk all over me and make me even crazier. Any ideas

    • DrShaler avatar
      Rhoberta Shaler, PhD - Reply

      I’m glad you were able to listen, Tracy. Forgiveness has nothing to do with him. It is not about condoning his behavior, or taking him back, or accepting his irrational nature. Forgiveness is what you do for yourself so you’re not losing energy every time you think of him.

      Forgiveness sounds like this in your own head: “I forgive myself for time wasted on trying to make this relationship work when it didn’t have the components to be loving.” Or, “I forgive myself for focusing on all that upsets me about this situation, and choose to focus on moving forwards toward what I most want.”

      I hope that helps.

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