Woman in chair.It is wise to spend some time each day in quiet thought. We really don’t know what we think or feel without it. We take the surface, fast answer and run with it, but, with a little contemplation, we might go in a very different direction, and feel better about it.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said,

“One day we will learn that the heart can never be totally right if the head is totally wrong.  Only through the bringing together of head and heart–intelligence and goodness—shall man rise to a fulfillment of his true nature.”

When you decide on a new direction or set a new goal, do you check with both your head and your heart?  Many goals are not reached for lack of heart.  The head thinks something “should” happen and the heart says “No!”.

It is not wise to talk yourself into doing something your heart is not in.  Why?  Two reasons:  First, you are negating the wisdom of your heart, and, secondly, you are building in failure.  Remember that a goal is a specific, time-bounded, measurable and attainable target.  It has to be important to you.

When your heart disagrees with your head you may need to spend more time defining the goal, and, more time looking at the physical, mental, emotional, social or spiritual obstacles in the path to its completion.  Examining obstacles can lead to making an action plan to overcome them.  Once you have that plan, check with your heart once again.  If the answer is still “No”, it is likely not the right time to pursue this.

It is not the degree of difficulty that makes the difference. It is the degree of willingness: the right thing for the right reason at the  right time. That’s where the heart comes in. For example, so often, when I am working with couples who need urgent care, they think they “should” say or do some “right” things, or make certain decisions that others think are appropriate. They think there is a right away to have a relationship. Barring abuse, I don’t think there is. When we work together and find the best path for them as a couple, it is because they now know that their heads and hearts, as well as their willingness and ability, are working in concert to bring about the best result for them.

Make it a habit to listen to your body.  Take time to dig a little deeper into what you think and feel.  There is great wisdom there.  Depend on it.  You know much intuitively and it is wise to go within, ask, and listen to the answers. You do know…in your heart of hearts.

©  Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor. She works with committed couples who know they love each other and want their once-great relationships back, stronger, closer and more intimate. She helps them with the insights and skills they need to create healthy relationships that support them to walk together united, through whatever life brings. No matter where you are, you can work with her through Skype.   Get valuable insights by subscribing to her twice-monthly Tips for Relationships in your inbox. www.ForRelationshipHelp.com/subscribe

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