I know he’s not talking with any women now but I feel so jealous and insecure about all of these women being on his Facebook .

q-100I recently found out that at least 1/3 of all the female friends on my boyfriend’s ( who I have been with over a year ) Facebook he has either flirted with emotionally or sexually or made direct passes at before we were together and actually many women he carried on long conversations with that sometimes led to being romantic or sexual while he was with his ex . I know he’s not talking with any women now but I feel so jealous and insecure about all of these women being on his Facebook . I want him delete them but I’m not sure if that’s fair of me .

 


 

a-100HI,

That’s a very good question to be asking. I like that you questioned whether or not it is fair of you to ask him to delete them. Self-awareness is so important!

The big question for me is: why does he need these women now as Facebook friends? I think that’s the question you are asking, too. Whether or not he is interacting with them, he will see everything that they post. This is vicarious living while still being able to tell you he is not interacting with them.

The most important thing is WHY he feels he needs to keep these women around:

  • Are they feeding his ego?
  • Is he keeping them in case your relationship doesn’t work out?
  • Is he keeping tabs on them on Facebook?
  • Does he enjoy looking at them and remembering their conversations or interactions?

Ask him “WHY?” and get him to think about it. If he cannot give you honest answers that lead to him removing most of them, then he is questionably committed to your relationship.

It’s not about you asking him to remove these women from his Facebook page. It’s about why he wants to keep them. That’s where your real answer lies, the answer that will allow you to make a decision about this relationship.

If you are insecure in this relationship, listen to your gut. There is something that is feeding that…and it needs to be eradicated!

I wish you well.
Dr. Shaler

Be wise. Get fresh insights and skills twice a month to your inbox. Subscribe to my Tips For Relationships now.

 

 

January 31, 2015   97    Spouse/Partner  
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