This is a guy who lets other people speak to him about you in a negative manner without setting them straight and/or a guy who will not tell the world that he is in a monogamous or committed relationship with you, a wonderful woman. Not a good sign. In fact, that may very well be the signal for you to run!
Casual dating is different from creating a long-term relationship. This post is about the relationship help you need when you shift from casual to serious in the relationship department.
Here’s the issue: Some men think they can keep their other friends–of the same and opposite sex–separate from their current relationship in all ways. Sure, in casual dating they can. Friends freely offer their opinions about the girls they are dating. They may even let friends discount or run down their dates, thinking that the friends are helping in the selection process! In casual dating, friend’s requests to not bring “the girlfriend” along are not a problem. All this changes when the relationship turns serious.
In serious relationships–one’s moving towards a committed future together–men must protect and profess the woman they have chosen. Yes, we all need one or two good, unbiased, trustworthy friends to talk with about our lives. NOTE: UNBIASED & TRUSTWORTHY! Your main person to talk to, though, must be your partner.
On the journey to the future, the relationship becomes one in which you have each other’s backs. When someone invites you somewhere and tells you not to bring your partner, you seriously question the invitation. You’re a couple now and that changes things. Sure, you go out with your friends now and again. BUT, you are clear with your friends that you are a couple now. I’m thinking of a couple I worked with. He was invited to a wedding and was told not to bring his partner. He complied. Not a good–or popular–idea! It caused a BIG problem for their relationship.
LEARNING CURVE AHEAD! You cannot move forward with a committed relationship when you do not have your partner’s back. You cannot move forward with a committed relationship when you agree to leave your partner out of things, to have him or her discounted in that way. You cannot have your cake and eat it, too. Sorry, this just doesn’t work!
GUYS! Women want to be pursued, protected and professed. If you’re unwilling to do those things, you may not be with the right woman. If you have never found a woman you want to pursue, protect AND profess, there may well be something you need to look at within yourself. One thing is sure: you’re not ready for a partner. Stick with the casual dating because anything more will lead to divorce, and that’s expensive in every way.
WOMEN: If your current guy will not pursue, protect and profess you, this is not the man for you. It doesn’t matter what anyone says, for example, “I love you,” it’s what he does that matters. Words simply don’t cut it. Actions do. Too many women, and I’ve known many in my practice, try to believe words and ignore actions. This is a recipe for disaster in a relationship. AND, NOTE THIS: it does not improve with marriage or living together in most cases. It improves with professional help and classes that highlight the elements of healthy relationships and effective communication.
Many times, folks are just unaware of how their behavior affects those they say they care about. They may simply not be thinking. Be wise now and get the relationship help you need to make sure your relationship is on a healthy, loving path.
Don’t settle for less. Take action and get relationship help now.
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