It's not spending money that makes the difference in a great committed relationship. It may not even be spending time. It's about priority and quality.

These two things can make your relationship stronger. No kidding!

  1. Take the time to pay attention to each other each time you meet. 

    Yes, when your partner comes in the room or the house, take the time to go and greet him or her. You may be deeply involved in your work, music, or computer, but really, what's more important?

    The five minutes it takes to go and re-connect with your partner when you meet before you jump into the joys and struggles of the day are valuable. Hug, kiss, connect! A "Hi!" from another room is not nearly as meaningful as a hug. Taking the time to walk to the door and greet with a hug and kiss makes your partner a priority. That's as it needs to be!

  2. Make eye contact with your partner, especially when he or she is speaking. 

    Simple, right? When you make eye contact, you connect in deeper ways than when you simply hear each other. Even if you find it difficult to hold that eye contact--or, perhaps, you're from a culture that holds that eye contact for any length of time is intrusive--it is important for that connection.

    If you are bold enough, try this: just sit down together, facing one another. Maybe you have a cup of tea or a glass of wine, or maybe not. Then, without effort or anxiety, just look into each other's eyes.

    Yes, squelch that tendency to laugh or to be silly and make your partner laugh. This is about experiencing eye contact with someone you love. Allow the feelings you experience to wash over you. You'll feel the deeper connection if you stay with it.

    So, two simple, free, proven ways to connect more deeply with your partner, and to create the opportunity for your partner to be seen, heard, and acknowledged several times a day.

    Want a third one?  This is the advanced way: never leave each other without saying good-bye while looking at each other. I know that may sound excessive, but try it for a week. Add a hug or a kiss, and see what happens.

Try these three things. It can only promote greater intimacy. And, that's a good thing, right? 

© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
The Relationship Help Doctor

Disclaimer: All advice, insights and suggestions made here are not to be construed as psychological or legal advice. Any actions you undertake as a result of reading any article, book, video, ebook or blog post from Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, are entirely your own. Having worked with individuals and couples for more than twenty-five years, she offers her insights and opinions for your consideration only.


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