How the Strong Pull of Trauma-Bonding Creates Addiction to a Toxic Relationship

You may call it “love” but, in a toxic relationship, it may sadly be that you succumbed to the addictive nature of trauma-bonding. You need to know for sure so that you can make wise decisions for your–and your children’s–health and well-being.


  • The definition of trauma-bonding
  • Understanding the addictive nature of trauma-bonding
  • 14 signs of trauma-bonding from Dr. Patrick Carnes
  • How you might mistake intensity for intimacy when in a relationship with a #Hijackal
  • Dr. Shaler’s definition of toxic relationships
  • Insights into why you have felt as you do in destructive, toxic relationships

Trauma-bonding is circular.

The abuser creates the trauma, and then wants you to turn to them when you’re hurt and traumatized. You are traumatized by something the abuser does, and you want the abuser to feel understood and you lean in. Circular!

That’s why it is SO important to understand the fourteen signs of a trauma-bonded person that I talk about in this episode. You may recognized the patterns–and the drama–that you are experiencing or have experienced. So helpful!

Dr. Patrick Carnes in The Betrayal Bond says that traumatic bonding occurs when “victims have a certain dysfunction attachment that occurs in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation. There often is seduction, deception, or betrayal. There is always some form of danger or risk.”

That is that the very thing that hurts you draws you closer. No more, right? This episode could be a turning point in your life and in your relationships.

You did not set out to be trauma-bonded. It’s nothing that you did. You were set up for it earlier in life, either by being healthy and happy and never imagining this could be the case, or by having been in traumatic relationships earlier in your life. It’s not your fault.

Now, that this is all clear to you, you’re better equipped to make progress towards a happier, healthier life.

Here’s another episode about trauma-bonding, and an interview with Dr. Gary Salyer.

Need to talk? Schedule an introductory 1-hour private session – just $97 for new clients. Book today. Let’s talk things through.

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