If you’re with a relentlessly difficult, toxic person, you know that look. I call it the “Hijackal Smirk.” So irritating! It’s contempt for you, your thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants. Is it OK to live with this?
You know that look, that jerky look of superiority that #Hijackals give you? I call it The Hijackal Smirk. It’s that look of disdain, disrespect, and “I’m superior and you are a fool” that Hijackals are infamous for. Got it?
Contempt is lethal, hurtful, demoralizing, and a much deeper emotion that fleeting ones that we all have during the day. It is more complex.
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:
- Why contempt is lethal, hurtful and demoralizing
- How to recognize contempt
- How disgust, anger, disdain, and disrespect add up to contempt
- Contempt can include irrational responses to other groups of people
- Contempt is constant underlying hostility
- The Gottman Institute, 1993 – “Contempt is the best predictor of divorce.” Find out why.
- Contempt can be linked to racism and prejudice
- 7 Ways Hijackals Treat You With Contempt – Recognize these?
Contempt is the opposite of empathy and compassion.
Contempt actually invalidates others: suggests that they have no good right to take up space or draw breath except to do my bidding. Have you ever felt that from your partner, parent, ex, or sibling? That’s contempt.
I like the great thought that Tim Otten put into his paper for Tilburg University on “Conceptualizing Contempt.” His final conclusion for a definition of contempt was:
“[Contempt is] a negative feeling with a downward social comparison wherein one feels superior and judges the other as inferior. One thinks of the other as incompetent, worthless, and one has no respect or appreciation for the other. This goes accompanied by behavior aimed to socially exclude and derogate the other.”
YUCK! You don’t deserve to be treated that way. If this sounds at all familiar, let’s talk soon and sort this out. (P.S. Your kids deserve a better model, too. right?)
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