Save Your Sanity: Help for Handling Hijackals®

Straight, compassionate  talk to help you clearly see the patterns, traits, and cycles of the relentlessly difficult people I call Hijackals®.  Understand what’s really going on within their volatile or passive-aggressive ways.

You particularly need to tune in if you are in any way being abused: devalued, demeaned, dismissed, and discounted verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually.

Then, see the cycles and know your best next steps: what has to change within you, and between you and the Hijackal in order to make good decisions and changes to manage these difficult, toxic–often disturbing–relationships!

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  • 6 Better Ways to Communicate Than the Dreaded Silent Treatment
    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on December 15, 2018 at 10:02 PM

    Has your partner every just stopped talking to you when things weren't going his or her way? Or, when you weren't doing exactly as s/he wanted?And, then, the next things: THE DREADED SILENT TREATMENT! The silent treatment is punishing, punitive, and often the way a person who wants power over you thinks they can control you. Sometimes, though, that other person--or, maybe, you--don't have the skills or confidence to manage conflict in any other way.Why do people use the silent treatment?They […]

  • How Conscious Self-Care Saves You So Much Stress & Distress - Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on December 10, 2018 at 5:40 AM

    Do you ever try to downplay your need for great self-care? If you're like many folks--too many folks--you likely do! You may have been raised to believe that you should be ok, power through, and need nothing. You may have been told that other people are more important than you are, and that you are a good person when you put other people first...all the time! NO! Not good. Always putting yourself at the end of your list is DEFINITELY NOT GOOD! . You may well become a tired, isolated, worn […]

  • How To Stop Walking on Eggshells - Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on December 1, 2018 at 10:15 PM

    Any chance that you're getting your exercise by walking on eggshells?That's a tense, anxiety-ridden, stressful way to get your exercise. Exercise is supposed to make you feel better. Walking on eggshells certainly won't!Whether the #Hijackal you're with is of the narcissistic, sociopathic, passive-aggressive, histrionic, or borderline variety, keeping you on edge is their specialty. When you are on edge, they feel powerful, right? That means they are scooping up your power, and it's time to […]

  • What Emotional Abuse Is & Its Impact On Your Life - Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on November 24, 2018 at 6:34 PM

    Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control or dominate another person. Whether that is through fear, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, guilt, blaming, manipulation, or denial, it is abuse, emotional abuse.When you were little, your brain was still growing. You instinctively knew that you had to keep your parents--The Giants--happy so that they would feed and protect you. At least, that's what you hoped.Many children, though, are emotionally abused. As adults, they often don't really […]

  • 3 Assertive Things To Do When Your Partner or Parent Refuses to Take Responsibility with Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on November 17, 2018 at 9:51 PM

    SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor3 ASSERTIVE THINGS TO DO WHEN YOUR PARTNER REFUSES TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY It's so infuriating, right? A difficult partner, or parent, refuses to take responsibility for anything that isn't praise-worthy. S/he will step right in if they can take credit for something good, though. But, when something goes sideways, it's all you, all your fault , right? You don't mean to, but you may well be […]

  • Trauma-Bonding: Why We Create Toxic Bonds & How to Release Them GUEST - Dr. Gary Salyer
    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on November 3, 2018 at 6:39 PM

    SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help DoctorTRAUMA-BONDING: Why You Create Toxic Bonds and How To Release ItA conversation between me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, and Dr. Gary Salyer, author of the upcoming book, Safe to Love Again. Are you so attached to someone that you are "hooked on hope" that one day they will treat you better? That's really common, and a bit difficult to step away from, I know. That "hooked on hope" can erode into […]

  • 10 Reasons You May Have For Not Walking Away From Your Abuser
    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on October 28, 2018 at 4:01 PM

    SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor10 REASONS YOU MAY HAVE FOR NOT WALKING AWAY FROM YOUR ABUSERCould any of these things be true? Your relationship is bad. And, you don't want to admit it. You keep hoping that things will get better.You make excuses for your partner's outbursts.You believe your abuser when s/he says you are nothing worth having, and no one else would want you. You hang onto the last time you heard "I love […]

  • It Happened To Me: Divorcing a Hijackal attorney...and thriving!
    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on October 20, 2018 at 6:38 PM

    SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help DoctorIT HAPPENED TO ME: Today's guest, Christa, shares her story of life with--and beyond--a #Hijackal husbandThis is a special feature of Save Your Sanity. I occasionally talk on Save Your Sanity with people willing to share their stories of life with, and after, a Hijackal. That might be their parent, partner, friend, or co-worker. You can find a Hijackal in every area of […]

  • Angry with a Hijackal®? Why Payback Won't Work
    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on October 14, 2018 at 5:32 PM

    SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help DoctorANGRY WITH A HIJACKAL? WHY PAYBACK WON'T WORKHijackal behavior is outrageous, and it gets your blood boiling too often, right? They are like vampires, draining your blood. And, you just want to show 'em how it feels. And, you want them to see how much they hurt you. And, truth be told, you want them to hurt the way you are hurt. So, you think that payback will help. It doesn't, won't, and […]

  • Hijackal Blaming? It's Not Your Fault!
    by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on October 6, 2018 at 7:25 PM

    SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help DoctorHIJACKAL® BLAMING? IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! Hijackals take no responsibility for anything they do. They refuse to be accountable. Yet, in order to pull that off, what has to happen? Everything has to be your fault! And, it's not. The patterns that living with a Hijackal create are designed to wear you down, to tear you down, to make you second-guess yourself constantly. Now, though, because […]