q-100I’ve been with this Guy fir a year and a half. We live together and he has 12 year old son and 8 y/o daughter. He will not let me meet them or his family because he says he wants to make sure we gonna make it. What should I think about that?




If eighteen months is not enough for him to know you and know that he values you, trusts you and respects you, you are right to be questioning this. I doubt very much that it is about “making it”, although, if he has a history of a series of short-term relationships, it might be a reflection on him not on you.

I think he questions his own judgment. It’s not about you. He cannot count on himself to make a good decision. If he could, he would say “This is my partner and I’d like to have you know each other.”  Or, “This is the woman I love and I want her to be part of my family.”  And that would make it clear that he has made a decision…to everyone.  I would suspect that he does not want to declare that but would rather leave his options open. That is questionable at this stage of your relationship.

Yes, it is wise, in my opinion, not to introduce girlfriends to your children too early. Eighteen months is not too early. If he doesn’t know that you are his partner by now, he’s hedging his bets and keeping parts of his life separate for other reasons. I’d need to know a little more of his history to answer your question in any more detail. So, write back if you like.

I wish you well.


get the relationship help you need in-person or through Skype videoRhoberta Shaler, PhD is The Relationship Help Doctor. She works with individuals, couples, families and workplace teams to help them develop the skills, insights and solutions that lead to better communication, conflict management and collaboration. You can work with her online through Skype® or Google+, by phone, or in-person in her office in Escondido, CA, at The Optimize Center.

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Disclaimer: all advice, insights and suggestions made here are not to be construed as psychological or legal advice. Any actions you undertake as a result of reading any article, book, ebook or blog post from Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, are entirely your own. Having worked with individuals and couples for more than twenty-five years, she offers her opinions  for your consideration only.


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