Do you think I’m in love or what is it?

q-100Hello!! My name is Kay and Im 25 year old. I really need help of you if you could as Im so confused. I met a guy who is 29 at my work. We worked together for more than a year. While working together, we always been close friends and became best friends. We never thought about being in a relationship way that point. We both are single. He has dated few girls before and has always been open to me and said to me about. We know everything about our past.

But in April 14, I found a new job and planned to move ahead. We both were really sad because we were attached to each other while working together. He is very straightforward guy. He supported my decision and promised me that we will be in touch always.

We met in June during our exam period but after that we lost much contact for a while. He is very social person and always busy. I moved on and started with my new work but always thought about him. I tried messaging him twice to say hi but he was always busy.

Before I was leaving my old work in May 14, my work people gave me a farewell dinner at some restaurant. He was invited as well but as usual he was making up that he wont be able to come and bla bla.. But I force him and made him to come for a while. I dranked a lot that night and when he came to the restaurant, i was much drunk. He sat next to me and i donno what happend to me that I started holding his hand and he tried keeping it away. I said to him kiss me and started laughing. But he took in different way or mayb he felt bad and he left saying he got some important family stuff. I was shocked why he reacted such. I tried texting him and got no reply for a day. I texted him to say sorry for whatever i said and didnt mean that and dont want to lose friendship because of such silly thing. A day pass by, and he replied me that I should behave and he was calm after that and said to him that we will be best friends as always.

Presently I started my new job and he is still working for same firm. After long, last Sunday he called me and told me that he is coming to my places to see me as its been long and could spend time with me. I got so happy!! I live with my brother. My brother is away for holiday from past 3 weeks. I said to him on phone that my brother is not home. He came to my home in evening around 8. We were so happy to see each other. We started drinking and talking and talking for hours and hours. We got go drunk and got bump into. We came close together donno how and we kissed each other and got much closer. I was in my periods so we couldnt do anymore than that. I insisted him to stay that night. He started over and we went to bed. From next day, we were back to work but I started feeling something for him. I didnt knew what do he feel for me. We didnt meet for next 3 days after but was in touch via phone and text. But yesterday, he planned up to meet again at my home. He came to my place. We started watching tv and started talking. My heartbeat was pumping so fast when he was so close. I never knew i could ever feel such. It was completelyy different feeling. I have hardly felt such. All of sudden he said to me that before anything happens we will be only friends or if we want to be friends for benefit. He cares a lot about me but he has never seen me in a relationship way or never got a click for me. He dont want to hurt me ever. I donno what happen by hearing this, my heart started crying. I didnt knew what to say and how to face this. I felt that am i falling in Love? But he said to me we will be friends and only friends at the moment. So do not think of anymore more for now. And i was so emotional inside and we got close together again and this time i gave myself to him. We had sex that night. I donno why i felt he has something for me as i can feel in him but he is not ready to face it or want it. I can smell in his breath. But he couldn’t stay over and felt after couple of hours.

I really donno what to do. I feel I started loving him all over. My heart cries and always feel to call him and text him. But I dont want to show desperate and dont want to lose friendship becz of my silly stuff. Please please help me what shall I do? Im getting mad and he is on my mind all the time. If Im out, working or with friends. I check my phone all the time and waiting for his text.

Help me and tell me what do you think? Do we ever have a chance to be together? Do you think im in love or what is it? And what shall I do? Pleasee. It will be realllyy helpful.




I know how difficult it is to find yourself falling for someone you are already great friends with. Friendship is built on respect for one another, when it is a healthy friendship.

Each of you has stepped over some boundaries that were unexpressed. That’s the problem you have right now. You both need to get your boundaries back in place.

  1. Do not drink when you are together. That seems obvious because neither of you are thinking well when you drink.
  2. Do not have sex. He has expressed his desire for only a friendship. Perhaps, he got scared, or figured out that he doesn’t want an intimate relationship with you. Respect that.
  3. Respect yourself by not sleeping with someone who has clearly said he does not want an intimate relationship with you. No friends with benefits if you want there to be any possibility for this relationship beyond friendship.
  4. Turn your focus away from him and let him be the one who pursues you. When you do the work for him, in that regard, he loses respect and confidence.
  5. Turn back the clock to when you were just friends and behave accordingly, no matter what he wants. It’s in your own best interest.

And, yes, I know it hurts. If you following the items above, it will hurt less and you will not set yourself up for further injury.

I wish you well.
Dr. Shaler

Be sure to take my free Relationship Checklist by CLICKING HERE. 


January 24, 2015   127    Dating  
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