q-100How do I have a normal conversation with my husband?  He’s a contrarian.  When I express an opinion he says the opposite.  He’ll argue that he’s right until someone can prove otherwise.  I’m exhausted and angry.  I want a friend who I can talk to, not someone looking to say opposite all the time.




It is exhausting to be with a consistent contrarian.  I have a few insights for you to consider:

  • Does he generally have a high need to be right in every circumstance?
  • Will he change his opinion in order to be “right” or “to win”?
  • Does he enjoy debate and want to engage you?
  • Or, does he enjoy provoking you and creating distance?
  • Has this always been his style or is this new?
  • Have you discussed this with him, and how did it go, if you did?
  • Does he see a problem?
  • Does he do this with other people, or mainly with you?
  • Does he have problems with this at work?
  • Is there any closeness in your relationship at all now?

If you would give me those further responses, I’ll be happy to answer you in a hopefully useful way.

Talk soon.

Dr. Shaler

get the relationship help you need in-person or through Skype videoRhoberta Shaler, PhD is The Relationship Help Doctor. She works with individuals, couples, families and workplace teams to help them develop the skills, insights and solutions that lead to better communication, conflict management and collaboration. You can work with her online through Skype® or Google+, by phone, or in-person in her office in Escondido, CA, at The Optimize Center.

For immediate insights, subscribe to her blog at www.RelationshipHelpDoctor.com  There are hundreds of posts there and a search button to help you find what you need.


Disclaimer: all advice, insights and suggestions made here are not to be construed as psychological or legal advice. Any actions you undertake as a result of reading any article, book, ebook or blog post from Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, are entirely your own. Having worked with individuals and couples for more than twenty-five years, she offers her opinions  for your consideration only.

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