I’m giving him space and if he wants to talk he has my number..

q-100Dr Shaler-
Thank you for responding back. Right now my mood is like I give up on everyone except my family. Yes I how I meet guys is on the internet but before it wasn’t like that. I just had a hard time finding a good guy in person so I decided to see go on social media. It seems nothing has changed.

People think I’m a heartbreaker because of my looks and it surprising that its the other way around. I am looking for a long term relationship and not just a good time. I’ve done all the child games in high school and college, now I want someone who is serious about me. I don’t know what I’m saying for them to be distant and now I feel like I shouldn’t even try at all with expressing myself until I see it. I’m not like “im in love with you lets get married” but im being cute with saying “good moring/afternoon and hope you have a good day” Nothing sexual at all either and maybe that’s what their looking for but I’m not giving it up if we’re not in a relationship.

The guy I’m interested in lives in Miami and I’m in Orlando which is almost 2-3 hours apart. In the past we did talk about seeing each other and now its like work is in the way. I do get jealous when he hangs out with his friends including girls but I definitely don’t tell him. It just disappointed me when he never responded to his birthday greeting from me. He never told me I just found out on my own. He did say thanks to everyone but me. I decided to not say a word to him and if he does I don’t know if I want to respond to that. I’m suppose to be going to Miami to visit my friends this Friday but I’m not telling him because at this point nothing I say matters to him. I’m giving him space and if he wants to talk he has my number. Its frustrating but I guess that’s life. Maybe I’m not ready for a relationship and my actions are scaring men away.

 


 

a-100Hi,

I think you’ve done some very good “figuring things out” on your own. You know what you want and you’re not interested in hook-ups. That’s great. It simply cuts down on the number of men who will be available to you right now.  If you’re within two years out of college, guys are trying on life free of school, and they have new-found freedom with a paycheck. That’s a rite of passage for many, just as it is for the gals. Having been tied to school and extra jobs, they are now reassessing what’s next and what’s possible. Often, that does not include a full-time serious (or, at least, potentially headed in that direction) relationship. So, it may not be anything you are doing at all.

Let’s just take a quick look at what it could be if it were something that you are doing:

  • You may not just let a relationship develop as it does without putting expectations on it. Those expectations often get “telegraphed” to a guy by the way you speak, behave or use body language. You don’t have to say that you’re looking for a lasting relationship, but they know and shy away.
  • You may be so attractive that guys fear that they couldn’t keep you if they got you, so they move on. That’s a drawback with being beautiful, and you cannot do anything about that. A confident man, ready for a relationship, will not let that be a barrier.
  • You may be wisest to focus on your career right now and just let nature take its course. I know, that’s just not such a popular move these days with all the dating sites and social media opps, but it’s a wise move often.
  • You will have to have a heart to heart with a best girlfriend, or your mom and ask if there is something you need to know about yourself that could be in your way. Ask for their help in this way, because you can’t know how you come across to others. They may.

I hope that helps.

I wish you well.
Dr. Shaler

January 24, 2015   117    Dating  
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