I feel used, and I don’t know how to move on

q-100Mrs. Shaler-
How do you deal with a man who used you and then you see him talking to other women acting like he didn’t do anything wrong?

Its hard for me to get over what he has done for me and I know that its not healthy. One minute he was all over a random girl 3 weeks ago and now a new woman is in the picture claiming to be a very good friend. Their was a picture of them together at the park and it seemed like he wants to be more than just friends which makes me upset because I wanted to be his girlfriend.

For along time, I believed him and now I’m left confused on what I did wrong/what I didn’t do. I don’t know if he is just looking for a good time with these ladies but I’m just heart broken on what I had to go through. I try to keep myself busy but its still in the back of my mind. I know that I need to move on but its easier said then done. Am I wrong to feel this way?



Feelings are never wrong. They are yours and you have them. I think your real question is: is it healthy to feel this way?

The answer to that question is complicated. There are self-esteem issues involved. Clearly one big question is: why would you want a man you know used you? You deserve more than that. Everyone does. What is it that has you feeling badly because you no long can be used by him? 

I think you’re right: he’s out for a good time, not a long time. He’s at a different stage of development and life than you are. He’s looking for playmates and bedmates, not soulmates. You cannot ask another person to be at a different stage of life than they are. You have to accept that.

Personally, from what you have told me, I think you dodged a bullet. Learn from this. Don’t let people use you. The next time you do, it will mean you learned nothing from this. Think more of yourself than that.

Don’t chase men. Be the best you you can be and the right ones will be attracted.  I think you might find value in watching this video, and thinking about those things a lot.

I wish you well.
Dr. Shaler

January 24, 2015   139    Dating    
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