It’s been very difficult for me and I love her so much I just want to stop getting jealous but I’m not sure how?

q-100My girlfriend and I both worked in Ibiza for the summer. I met her whilst working in the same bar. Her job was selling shots as a shot girl. This often meant making small talk when you simply couldn’t be bothered. To earn money, this often meant flirting with guys so much they would throw money at her. Now, working in the same bar as her this was often hurtful and did get annoying for me. I had to watch lads drooling all over my girlfriend while she looked like she was enjoying every moment of it. I had to stand back and pretend she was a stranger to me. She would often sit on guys laps (she stopped this when I told her how I felt) but lads would often ask for her phone number so they could meet up with her after work. She would give her number out because they would stop buying shots if she said no and she wouldn’t earn any cash. It was very difficult as most often she would give her number out but then run off home to bed with me. We lived together so most nights we would lie in bed but her phone would constantly be vibrating from different lads ringing her. These lads were people she had sold shots to earlier on in the evening. I understood the stress and hard work it takes to sell shots but what happened in Ibiza has sort of affected the way I think now I’m back in the UK. We are still together and have been for 8 months. We do love eachother very much but I just find myself some days worrying “what if she gives her number out to other lads when she’s out” etc..  It’s been very difficult for me and I love her so much I just want to stop getting jealous but I’m not sure how?

 


 

a-100HI,

Ah, a summer job in Ibiza where play is top-of-mind for visitors! I can understand your concerns.

Love is not enough for a relationship to last. It has to be supported by honesty, safety, trust, respect and reliability to survive. Otherwise, it’s just playing off one another’s needs and chemistry!

If you have nothing that indicates that your girlfriend has given up her ‘how to make the most money selling shots” behavior, then why are you still concerned?  If she continues to be flirty and has a wandering eye, then, you have indications that your concerns may be well-placed.

Have you talked this through with her? I mean, really talked through the very hard stuff.

Have you seen any behaviors away from Ibiza that cause you to question her faithfulness to you?

Are you actually in touch with a part of you that has been hurt before and this girl’s behavior causes that to rise up in you?

Love and jealousy are very poor bedfellows! Because there is no trust. You two need to work on your trust issues together. (We can do that by Skype if you’re ready.) Or find a local professional who can walk through these things with you. If you don’t do that, you’ll always have Ibiza playing in the back of your mind!

I wish you well.
Dr. Shaler

Take my free online Relationship Checklist and find out what’s really up in your relationship.

January 31, 2015   102    Spouse/Partner  
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