My boyfriend and I dated before (a year ago) but we drifted apart and recently got in touch.

q-100My boyfriend and I dated before (a year ago) but we drifted apart and recently got in touch. he wanted to get back together and since I really liked him I agreed to give it a try. the reason it never worked before was because he was heartbroken by his ex girlfriend and he was in a bad place. now he is doing better and our relationship was going great but he is telling me that his ex girlfriend is back and she wants to get back together with him. he told me he is confused about the whole thing and wants me to wait until he can sort it out (he says he doesn’t know how long it will take). he says he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings or mine. she has a key to his place and can come by when ever she wants when he is not even comfortable taking me to his house. I love him but I really don’t like him hanging out with her or waiting for him to choose me. what shall I do?

 


 

a-100Hi,

Good for you to not wanting to be “waiting for him to choose” you! This fellow is conflicted and he is looking for the safest bet. It seems he really cares for his ex. That’s the reality. You are his second choice, clearly.

You know this. I know you do. So, gather your self-respect and tell him “NO!”  You are not waiting to win second place. Even if he chose you, you would know that you were not his first choice. He came to you because she didn’t want him anymore. He’s giving all his power away to this other girl. So, the consequences of him doing that, is that you do not want him anymore. Can you get with this?

I hope so.

I wish you well.
Dr. Shaler

Learn how to develop healthy, respectful relationships with my Tips for Relationships.  Subscribe HERE. 

January 31, 2015   120    Spouse/Partner  
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