Toxic relationships are sometimes hard to recognize when you’ve been in one for a while.
Like a bad odor, you get used to the smell and stop noticing and start accepting. You come home one day and there it is! You hadn’t noticed it for so long but now it’s too much. Maybe even friends and family have commented on it.
Schedule an introductory session with me, and let’s talk about those issues and how you can rise above them with new boundaries and strategies.
Dig in and learn more about dealing with Hijackals, relentlessly difficult people.
There’s nothing more horrible than feeling as though your relationship is not supportive, not respectful, not honest, not trusting and not reliable. And that is what produces toxic, explosive and corrosive relationships.
You are missing the honesty, the trust, the reliability, the respect. Those things creates safety in a relationship where you feel safe to be yourself, to express yourself, to ask for what you need and want.
And if you are living in fear or you’re sidestepping someone else’s energy all the time, that is not going to lead to the relationship you want. And you know that because that’s why you came on this site to see if you could find some way to get rid of this pain and turn it into the relationship and the pleasure that you were looking for.
Some people are explosive. They need some anger management and many of us can use that. Nobody likes themselves when they are angry. Sometimes they can’t admit it, but many times they say, I don’t like who I am, when I’m angry. I’m going to get some help. That explosive anger comes from unmet needs in the past and it’s become a way of being in the world. It’s become a habit and that habit can change.
Anger is an arousal. It comes from emotions, in my opinion, it’s not an emotion itself. It is the result of having an emotion like frustration or fear or hurt or pain. And so if you have an explosive relationship, then you’re with a person who needs some help. And, if that person is you, you can get some help.
If that person is the other person in your relationship, then you have to put your foot down a bit and say, no, I am not here to be the recipient of your lack of control over your decisions and emotions.
So the explosive one is quite straightforward. The corrosive one is a little bit more difficult–and it may fall in the categories of two of the other videos in this series–because corrosive means it’s slowly wearing down and wearing away and feels a little acidic and feels really caustic and you can’t get close to it.
You don’t want to get close to it. And that causes a problem in your relationship because eventually it’s like, “I’m not going to touch that because it may go off or may be hot or whatever. So I’m not even gonna go there.”
And communication erodes, you find it much more difficult to manage your conflicts.
Nobody’s listening. People are in fear or hurt or pain or upset too much of the time there. Others are too easily irritated. Even your presence or your breathing, or the way you eat or some small thing.
And one of those small things that comes up all the time is they don’t want to hear what you have to say. So they criticize the way you said it, your tone of voice, your choice of words, the look on your face or whatever. That’s when you know that you’ve got a corrosive relationship issue… you’re no longer listening to what the issues are. You’re discussing the delivery of the person who is bringing up the the items.
So let’s just have a thought about toxic. Now these are the ones you really cannot be around without solving the problems because who wants to live in a toxic situation?
But there are so many things you can do to take away the toxicity.
Again, it comes down to willingness and ability. You have to learn how, so you get the ability and you have to be willing to apply it because it matters to you. Your relationship matters to you. So if you’re in a situation that’s toxic, explosive or corrosive, it’s time to get some skills and some help and I can help you with those things.
We can work together privately, or you can take one of my programs, read my books, or engage with any of the materials that I offer.
And you could begin right now by subscribing my podcasts and youtube updates.
There is hope. There is hope for 99% of relationships if people are willing to work and they want it to work. So take heart, step up, take the first step, subscribe. Let’s work together. Let’s move in a direction that stops the pain. Talk soon.
