IS NAME-CALLING EVER OK? EVEN IN AN ARGUMENT?
You lose it.
You’re angry, out of control, and maybe, even a little out of your mind.
You want to win.
You want to be heard.
You want to be acknowledged.
You want to feel validated.
So, some words you hate hearing from others come bellowing out of your mouth. Then, all those nasty names from the playground, and maybe sadly from your early life at home, force themselves upon another person. Is name-calling ever OK?
It feels good. Finally, you told the truth. Finally, you let loose.
PROBLEM: What now? You’re calm, and the thrill of thinking “I showed them what was up!” is gone. You know you’ve damaged the relationship. Now, what?
Name-calling gets you a one-way ticket to regret…if you have much emotional intelligence at all, and you want the relationship to continue.
If you never want to see the person again, and simply don’t care, you might be fine for awhile. But, what happens when others hear about your rampage? Is that OK with you?
You know about Hijackals®, those relentlessly difficult, toxic, disturbing–and often dangerous–people we talk about here on Save Your Sanity. They will definitely push you, screaming, right up to the edge. It’s up to you whether or not you leap over and have your say in a damaging way.
Is it damaging to the Hijackal? Likely not. That person will soon weaponize it and use it against you.
But, what does it do to your image of yourself? That’s what really matters.
Name-calling. Did you like it as a child? Do you like it coming at you now? Good questions to ask yourself if you’re the one who’s doing it now.
Anger getting the best of you? You can make that stop. Do it because you matter. You want to feel good about the way you handle things.
Anger coming at you from someone else? It’s SO not all right for them to be spewing out horrible names at you, either. That has to stop. Unfortunately, that’s not something you can stop, but you don’t have to stand still for it.
Listen to the episode in this post of my Save Your Sanity podcast and see how you’re thinking about name-calling, and how it works for–and against–you. And, both can be true whether you’re the giver or receiver!
Want more topics to help you create the life and relationships you most want? I’ve done a few videos on my YouTube channel to help you learn more. Subscribe to it HERE.
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
The Relationship Help Doctor
Urgent and Ongoing Help for Relationships in Crisis