Living or co-parenting with a relentlessly difficult person aka a Hijackal®?
When you are co-parenting with a relentlessly difficult person as your partner, you have many potential obstacles in your path.
A relentlessly difficult person is someone with certain personality and behavioral traits that are identifiable to trained professionals.
To you, these folks are ones you think of as :
- unusually and consistently difficult,
- always needing to be right, even when they’re not
- or drama kings or queens.
If any of those sound like the person with whom you have had children, you may well be in relationship with a Hijackal.
I call these people “Hijackals®”. And they are most definitely “a thing”. (Hijackals include narcissists, borderlines, psychopaths, sociopaths, histrionics, and avoidant personality disorder.)
Of course, there are many people with one or two traits that are annoying and irritating. That’s most of us, at one time in one way or another.
However, if you believe you are dealing with a person who is more than just annoying or irritating, you need a much broader, stronger and more insightful set of skills right away.
NOTE: If you are still living with him or her, keep reading. If you are separated or divorced, go to this page for what you need next. If you are living and parenting with a person who is occasionally annoying or irritating, try our Passive-Aggressive Checklist to see if you are maybe ignoring some details.
LIVING AND PARENTING WITH A HIGH CONFLICT, CHRONICALLY DIFFICULT PERSON:
Considering that you have now decided that you are indeed living with someone who is demonstrating some general traits or patterns of a high conflict personality, there are things to get straight:
High conflict people
- usually want things their way.
- want to be the center of attention in most things in order to fulfill their unmet emotional needs.
- avoid taking responsibility for their own problems, and especially not for any part they might play in the problems of others.
- will go to great lengths to get you to agree with their rigid point of view or perspective.
- will not take in, reflect on, or welcome any feedback or input from you, no matter how truthful, factual or accurate.
- keep themselves stressed with their internal conflict, and that spills over on to you and the children.
- are always looking for someone to blame for everything. It is never their fault or their doings that cause problems.
- And, they honestly are unaware of most of these things.
So, could you expect a high conflict person to put the best interests of the children first? Only if all their own needs are met and mellow at the time. And, that’s neither often, nor predictable!
Therefore, you need the insights, skills, strategies, solutions and support to be able to successfully manage living and parenting with a high conflict person. Having that will make it more understandable, help you create better boundaries, and allow you to know that you’re not crazy.
Furthermore, you cannot do this by yourself and it is damaging to you and your children to continue in these patterns.