For High Conflict People who are separated or divorced and need to communicate to co-parent successfully
If you are trying to co-parent with a person you are no longer in love with and live apart from, you can expect occasional difficulties. Usually, the longer you are apart, the more easily patterns that work for both co-parents emerge.
BUT, if you are trying to co-parent with a high conflict person in this situation, you need the insights, skills, strategies, solutions & support that will allow you to do that while keeping both the best interests of the children, and your self-esteem, intact!
Remember these things about high conflict people:
- High conflict people usually want things their way.
- High conflict people want to be the center of attention in most things in order to fulfill their unmet emotional needs.
- High conflict people avoid taking responsibility for their own problems, and especially not for any part they might play in the problems of others.
- High conflict people will go to great lengths to get you to agree with their rigid point of view or perspective.
- High conflict people will not take in, reflect on, or welcome any feedback or input from you, no matter how truthful, factual or accurate.
- High conflict people keep themselves stressed with their internal conflict, and that spills over on to you and the children.
- High conflict people are always looking for someone to blame for everything. It is never their fault or their doings that cause problems.
- And, they honestly are unaware of most of these things.
Now, with that said, you definitely need all the insights and skills you can get in order to co-parent effectively, with the least amount of conflict.
Ideally, both parents in a high-conflict parallel parenting situation would take the training together. Learning the same insights, skills and strategies at the same time from the same source creates alignment that is your best shot. If you cannot learn these skills and gather these insights together, one person with them can definitely make a difference in the ability, civility, and stability of the parallel parenting relationship.
You can work with Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor, in-person at The Optimize Center in Escondido, CA, or online through Skype video. Classes and private and couples sessions are available from wherever you are.