Relationship Help for High-Conflict Situations


High Stress has a High Cost…to yourself, to relationships, to the family, to the workplace.

Are you living or working with a high-conflict person? A chronically difficult person?
You might be if several or all of these are true in your relationship:

  • Trust is questionable.
  • Communication is vague.
  • Conflict management is of no interest to them.
  • Emotional intimacy is nil.
  • You don’t feel safe to talk.
  • You purposely avoid conversations.
  • It’s always your fault, somehow.
  • You’re never right. You cannot win.
  • They assume and presume but never ask.
  • They act on feelings not facts.
  • They are incapable of self-reflection.
  • Fear is their operating system.

Chronically Difficult People at Work

If you are daily dealing with people who fit these high conflict criteria, you are likely dealing with a “Hijackal™*”, maybe even a resulting high conflict environment. How do you recognize them? They:  usually want things their way. want to Read More > >

High Conflict Co-Parenting Strategies

High Conflict co-parenting is stressful.  When your ex is a Hijackal™, you need specific strategies to keep conflict away from the children. Don’t take your divorce out on your kids! High-conflict co-parenting strategies are essential to learn and use to protect Read More > >

How To Cope With Divorce | The Hijackal Trap

High conflict divorces involve at least one high conflict person… That’s a person who loves the sense of battle and is preoccupied with blaming and controlling. These divorces seem to never be final…at least, emotionally.  And, the children often suffer Read More > >

How to Survive in a High-Conflict Family

Did you grow up in a high-conflict family? The effect of a high-conflict person within a family is long-lasting. If you did, you have to learn how to clarify, express and maintain healthy boundaries now.  When you were young, you Read More > >

 Getting the relationship help you need for to manage relationship with a high-conflict person is the wise next step…immediately.

Fortunately, you’re in the right place.  

  • Escaping The Hijackal Trap: ebook to end verbal abuse and emotional abuse

    NEW!! Escaping the Hijackal Trap: Volume 1 – The Truth About Hijackals and Why They Are Crazy-making


Get the insights, skills, strategies, solutions & support you need now. 

 In a hurry?  You can call Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor, directly at The Optimize Center in Escondido, CA, for private relationship consultations, classes, seminars, training & keynotes.  760.593.4604. 

You can schedule a one-time free half-hour relationship consultation with her at 

2 thoughts on “Relationship Help for High-Conflict Situations

  1. Jane

    How do you know when it is time to put things to rest. Is it when your counselor has told you that you have gone above and beyond? Is it when your counselor has labeled it emotional abuse? Is it when your significant other has stopped trying….and trying means stop seeing a counselor, won’t even speak to a pastor, and they won’t go to church (which has helped them in the past and they enjoy it) because it is somehow my fault and that is literally what is being said to me. When do I know I’ve given it my all and it’s time to consider separating and/or moving out?

  2. Mylinda Barisas

    I am listening to you speak with Lee Baucoulm on thrivology regarding conflict management.

    I am recently divorced and my ex was a sex addict if there is such a thing. I am also the daughter of an household with an alcoholic father— both things probably affected my personality. I want to have healthy relationships moving forward. I have some boundary issues especially with men. I am trying to be good at the boundaries – I also have tendencies to being a high conflict person-(I like to win and I sometime avoid things I am afraid of) on the other hand I am wrong a lot and don’t have trouble admitting that (tend to even take blame for others) and I self reflect a lot and try to be mindful of my affect on others . (I am kind of a weird mix) So I am working on making me better.

    Do you have any recommendations for reading / growth opportunities for myself?

    Thank you again for your talk on thrivology- I very much enjoyed your discussion. Made sense and got me thinking I have more work to do.


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