Why Not To Believe The Promise Of Change From A Narcissist - Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on January 19, 2021 at 5:07 AM
People with narcissistic tendencies and traits want to have their way, and want you to do their bidding. If they really, really, really want something, or, if they are really, really, really afraid of losing something, they sometimes promise to change. How many promises has a narcissist--a […]
Straight, compassionate talk to help you clearly see the patterns, traits, and cycles of the relentlessly difficult people I call Hijackals®. Understand what’s really going on within their volatile or passive-aggressive ways.
You particularly need to tune in if you are in any way being abused: devalued, demeaned, dismissed, and discounted verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually.
Then, see the cycles and know your best next steps: what has to change within you, and between you and the Hijackal in order to make good decisions and changes to manage these difficult, toxic–often disturbing–relationships!
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Got chemistry? Nice But Not Enough!
by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on January 12, 2021 at 6:11 AM
Hijackals use chemistry to manipulate and control you. They exploit it to feel they have power over you. It is a significant part of trauma-bonding. Get clear on what's really happening when you think you're in love, rather than knowing you're being used. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What lust, attraction, and attachment have to do with creating toxic relationshipsWhy #Hijackals want to recreate their trauma from a position of controlWhat part trauma-bonding plays in thinking you have […]
The Endless, Exhausting Competitiveness of Hijackals in Toxic Relationships
by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on January 5, 2021 at 5:53 AM
Constant emotional competition is exhausting. Most people only do it in one or two small areas of life. When you have a Hijackal parent or partner, it is a daily occurrence--even minute-to-minute--in large and tiny ways. Some ways, you may not even recognize. Listen to learn ten tips to help you emotionally disengage! That's the first, and maybe most important, step! #Hijackals turn every relationship into a competition. Even things you would not imagine they would find a need to win in, they […]
Why Narcissistic People Hijack Holidays & Ruin Celebrations
by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on December 29, 2020 at 5:22 AM
It's common for Hijackals to ruin holidays. Narcissistic folks can be counted on to do it, too.What's up with that? They'll do it for any celebration. This episode will help you understand why it happens, AND offers practical suggestions for responding to it in healthier ways. You don't want to dread the holidays, yet that often happens. You just know that things are going to be tense, at a minimum, right? There are reasons why these sad folks get so mean around the holidays, or any celebration […]
Recognize When It's Become Verbal Abuse!
by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on December 22, 2020 at 6:54 AM
You might give someone the benefit of the doubt too often. You may be on the receiving end of verbal abuse AND it's important to be clear about it. Verbal abuse is bullying to win. It's unacceptable. Recognize the many faces of verbal abuse now!According to USLegal.com, verbal abuse is "words used to cause harm to the person being spoken to." It's all about the intent to cause harm: verbal, emotional harm. That can include shouting, insulting, intimidating, threatening, shaming, and […]
What's Narcissistic? What's Self-Centered,? What's Healthy?
by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on December 15, 2020 at 5:15 AM
The term "narcissistic" is used too commonly now, in my opinion. When people even talk about themselves a little too much for your liking, you may label it "narcissistic." It's important to be able to tell the differences among people who are narcissistic, people who are self-centered, and those who are healthy and maybe having a bad day. Why? Because they require different responses.Both narcissistic and self-centered people talk about themselves more than most folks are comfortable with, for […]
Being Successful In Spite Of A Toxic Father GUEST: Corey Poirier
by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on December 12, 2020 at 7:21 PM
Succeeding in spite of having toxic parents and a difficult past! We talk about that journey, and what succeeding really means. It's not about money only, but SO much more. A shaky emotional start in life doesn't define you. Don't let it! Corey Poirier, author of Book Of WHY, shares his path from life with an absent, though toxic, father to becoming the founder of bLU Talks, and being featured on the foremost radio and television shows, as well as being a columnist for top business magazines […]
The SHAME Of It All: Narcissistic, Over-Nurturing Or Needy?
by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on December 8, 2020 at 6:12 AM
Shame is a painful emotion caused by recognizing guilt, shortcomings or impropriety, and the basis for narcissistic, over-nurturing, and needy behaviors. SO important to recognize these to understand the dynamics and how you may be caught by the cycle of shame in toxic relationships with partners and parents. Things happen when you're little and you don't realize what's becoming part of you. Being shamed at an early age by the people who were supposed to protect you makes a huge impact on you! […]
Tips on Negotiating Child Custody and Visitation GUEST: Andrea Schneider, Attorney
by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on December 5, 2020 at 11:52 PM
Divorce is difficult, especially when you have children. Multiply the difficulties by tens if you're divorcing a #Hijackal, a #narcissistic person, or any other toxic person. You want to feel confident about negotiating custody and negotiating visitation. Andrea Schneider, attorney in San Diego, offers what you need to know to do your best in mediation and court. Andrea Schneider recognizes the added difficulties of dealing with divorce after years of stress, distress, anxiety, and put downs. […]
Narcissistic Folks: Unable Or Unwilling To Empathize?
by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on December 1, 2020 at 6:39 AM
Lack of empathy in one partner creates a deficit that the other partner cannot fill...no matter how hard one tries! Learn more about the differences in functioning, and the decisions #Hijackals and other narcissistic people make about demonstrating empathy. Eye-opening! Empathy is the ability to identify what someone is thinking or feeling, and then to be able to respond to THEIR thoughts and feelings with an appropriate response. Can the person you have in mind do this? When do they do this? […]
Isolation: A Nasty Tactic of Coercive Control
by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD on November 24, 2020 at 6:42 AM
When you are first with a #Hijackal, you are flattered that they want you all to themselves. You're delighted that they want to be with you, and "can't get enough of you." That's the normal joy of a new relationship. Then, when you're with a toxic person, a #Hijackal, a #narcissist, there comes a moment when you find yourself isolated, alone, and marginalized. You look around and you have been separated from your family and friends.#Hijackals are happy then. You're not and in this episode, I'm […]