Fault-Finding | Hallmarks Of A Hijackal™

relationship videosHijackals™ never make mistakes.
They are never wrong.
They are never responsible.

You know that, right?

That’s what they want you to believe. That’s what they NEED you to believe…because they HAVE to believe it.
Hijackals are petrified of ever being wrong. To entertain the thought–really entertain it, because Hijackals are good at pretending to own up to something if they’ll get something better from it. Strange as it seems, Hijackals are fearful beings. Petrified at the though of making a mistake. So…

“It’s not my fault. It’s YOUR fault!”  That’s what you’ll hear repeatedly…until you are sick of it!

Why are they so fixed on doing that? This video will help you understand what’s going on.

When you do that, you are on your way to seeing a clearer path to not taking what a Hijackal says to you so personally. Watch this. (transcript below the video)

In order to have some power over you, Hijackals™ like to demean you, belittle you, degrade you, put you down, make you feel small, and they LOVE to do that by finding fault. So a Hallmark of a Hijackal™ is to be a fault-finder. To be someone who is constantly negative. Constantly at you; constantly putting you down. And why? Because they need power in their own lives and they think that they get it by making themselves bigger by making you smaller. And we often think that Hijackals™ are these infallible kind of beings who absolutely love themselves and think very, very well of themselves. And that’s the appearance that they give us and on many levels it’s true.

However! There is a very scared and fragile person in there and all of this is a bit of bullying and bluffing in order to never be afraid; to never touch that part of themselves; to never let their guard down; to never let that be seen. So in order to do that, it has to be about how wrong and bad and mistaken YOU are. And that’s how they keep their sense of “I have power over”. So that need to be right, so you’re always in the drama or always being threatened by drama. So you’re walking on eggshells, trying very hard not to get drawn into the drama, right? And yet it is there – it’s always there! Just under the surface or right on top. But you know the potential for drama is there.

Over time you begin to withdraw. You get smaller and smaller and they get larger and larger. And it’s very difficult to reverse that process, I know, but it has to be done! Because you’re not smaller than they are; you’re not more wrong than they are; you’re not more right than they are. We have to come to equity, mutuality, and true partnership and Hijackals™ are not capable of that. So if you love a Hijackal™ and you want to stay with them, you have to learn some strategies that will actually work on your behalf to make something more equitable. And you’ll have to also learn how to become Teflon. How to let certain things just roll off you because Hijackals™ really like to find Velcro people. People who will take on all the blame; people who will take on the guilt; people who will  make themselves small. Once a Hijackal™ tells you that you should be small, you pick up that self-talk and start to tell yourself that you’re useless, you’re unworthy and that you should be more considerate, more patient or whatever they’re yelling at you about. And that’s where we really have an opportunity to open up and change the direction of the relationship.

When you stop taking on all the fault, when you stop and say “is what this person is saying true?” and you know it isn’t but there’s that fear in you that it might be. And that’s why you need some help to do that because if you could have changed it or turned it around, you would have. But a Hijackal™ found you! A Hijackal™ found you because they knew that you would try to please them, that you would take the dirt they dished out. And in the beginning, of course, they’re these wonderful chameleons, charming – and they seem like your soulmate. They know you so well, they give you everything you want – you can’t believe it “you’ve died and gone to heaven!” There they are – this person you knew was out there and here they are, perfect for you! The problem is that if they are a Hijackal™ that’s not honest. They’re just reeling you in really well; giving you exactly what you need and want and making themselves look perfect in your eyes. And you are ignoring those red flags because your rose colored glasses are really on.

So it starts in a small way. A little fault here, a little question about your behavior there, and then slowly it builds to where you start questioning yourself. So this fault-finding goes along with the blaming but because of the negative turn of mind, they’re looking for faults. They’re always looking for faults. I know that I was an only child and my mother was a Hijackal™ and she worked so I was a latch-key kid and when she would be coming home I would be sure that whatever happened in her day, it was going to be my fault. That immediately, the door opened and it was going to be “why didn’t you do this, you haven’t done this well enough”. To this day, sometimes when I am maybe not having a great day and maybe I’m peeling potatoes and I can hear my mother’s voice “you take off too much peel – you never know how to do things right!” So you may have some of those old tapes playing in your head every now and again or you may have some that are actively working right now that are being fed by your Hijackal™.

I want to help you change that because that’s no way to live. And that’s not what you deserve. You deserve to be here, you deserve to draw breath, you deserve to take up space, you deserve to say what you think and feel and want. Those are rights that you have because YOU ARE HERE. And when someone (maybe that someone is a Hijackal™) wants to tell you that you don’t have those rights? Don’t be buying it! Don’t start believing it! You have those rights! And if you’ve been beaten down and allowed yourself to be made small or marginalized, don’t accept it a minute longer. Get some help!

I’m always here to help you! We’ve got these videos here, we’ve got classes and courses, you can work with me directly – there’s so many things that you can do. Take a half-hour free consultation. Everybody who is ready to do the work gets the opportunity to take ONE free half hour consultation. Just go to
www.forrelationshiphelp.com/free-consult and you can sign up and do that! Let’s find out what’s possible and what’s going on.

So if you’ve been caught in this cycle of “it’s always you, it’s always you” and you’re on edge – the more on edge you get the more mistakes you make. The more mistakes you’re called out on, the more on edge you are. You know that cycle, right? And that’s something that the Hijackal™ is enjoying, something the Hijackal™ is perpetuating, and they definitely want to keep you in that space because anything that they’re concerned about being wrong with them, they’re going to project that onto you. Because nothing is going to land on them.

So you know this. And now you know a little bit more about this Hallmark of a Hijackal which is finding fault, demeaning and degrading.

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