Do you wake up and already feel guilty and you're not sure why? It may be that you're with a Hijackal™!
Of course, you may have just robbed a bank, or had a one-night stand that you wish you hadn't. But, if you're in a relationship with a Hijackal, you'll feel this way often.
Hijackals make a point of keeping you off-balance. One way they do this is by blaming you for everything.
You, being a reasonable person, accept that you make mistakes. Hijackals don't. They cannot because their self-images are too fragile to ever admit making a mistake.
So, therefore, it must be YOUR fault!
This video helps you see exactly what's going on in your relationship with a Hijackal.
Hijackals™ blame. That’s one of the big things that they do. A really strong hallmark of a Hijackal™ is their need, their desire, and their willingness to blame.
And if you are their target of blame, which you probably are if you’re very close to them, they’ve chosen you for that role. And they will keep on blaming you.
Remember in my definition of a Hijackal™ it says “a Hijackal™ is a person who hijacks a relationship for his or her own purposes while relentlessly scavenging them for power, status and control. So blaming is an issue of power and control. If I can have power over you by telling you that you’re not good enough, you always make mistakes, you always do this, you never do that, it’s always your fault, you’re always less than what you should be, you’re definitely less than perfect - and they’re continually blaming you. You are their target of blame. You are the one that they can always put down.
They may be pillars of the community, they may never do this outside of the house, but they have you to blame, to blame, to push, to push and always make themselves feel better because they’ll make you feel worse. And that’s a terrible thing!
That’s one of the BIG things to notice about Hijackals™ because they chose you because they think they can make you feel small. They can keep compressing you and contracting you and putting you down and stomping on you - and they will do that. All the time. But blame, blame, blame. And every now and again they’ll throw you a bone because they’re having a good day. And you’ll perk up “OH things are changing!” … but no, they’re not. Be very, very wise about that - no they’re not. This is manipulation.
You are being blamed because that makes them have power over you but makes them a step up because they put you down. And you’re close and you are easy to blame and if you allow it, they will do it more. If you take it in and you accept it, and you begin to think poorly of yourself and you start believing their press of you then it’s time to get some help and turn that around because it is highly unlikely that you are to blame for everything. That you are this poor person who has low intelligence, doesn’t service their needs enough, doesn’t remember things, doesn’t remember things straight. Remember that they’re always going to tell you that they are right and you are wrong.
So they’re going to blame you. And they make you feel small, and they make you second guess yourself, and they’ll make you question your sanity - and you know what I’m talking about if you’re watching this video because it’s happening on some level in your life. And if it happened like it did in my life, I was raised with a Hijackal™ mother, so it seemed really normal to me for a long time in my life until I actually was able to see the patterns and to do what I needed to do. And then it took a lot to recover and to have healthy relationship patterns and healthy boundaries and healthy ways of thinking about relationships. Because when you’ve been around a Hijackal™ for very long, especially if you were raised by one, they’ve told you who you are and how you are - and you believed them - why wouldn’t you? Those are the giants that are telling you how life is if you want them to help you survive, so you automatically believe them. And you take in a lot of that before you even have language if you were raised by a Hijackal™ so it really is an important thing to get some help, to get someone like me to walk with you through it. I’ve experienced it, I know what that journey is, it didn’t just come from a book - in fact, I WROTE the books once I had learned how to create that journey and that’s what I’m here to help you with.
So this hallmark of a Hijackal™, the need to blame and to induce guilt in you. They want you to feel guilty because when you’re feeling guilty, you’re disempowered and they want you to stay disempowered because then they have power over you and you’re down here and they can push you further.
If that’s sounding familiar, it’s time to step outside and take a look at the last month of your relationship. Have you been blamed for things? Do you expect to be blamed for things? Are you almost waiting to be blamed for things? Then you’re definitely in the hands of a Hijackal™. And it’s time for you to stop accepting that blame. It’s time to look with fresh eyes and get some help to say “no, that’s not really who I am”.