Whoa! Before you even think for a nano-second that my answer would be anything close to yes, it isn’t!
Here’s why I’m writing this today.
A person in a Facebook group suggested that, perhaps, we’re making too much these days of emotional abuse. He suggested that, perhaps, it’s not as bad, common, or accurate as people are over-dramatizing it to be. It seems he was recently in a five year relationship where he was emotionally abused. He posed the question. Here is my response:
“People with personality disorder traits abuse others, emotionally, verbally, psychologically, spiritually, and/or physically. Now, then, always. Information to understand this abuse is readily available to everyone now. People talk about it, rather than accept it as “just the way it is,” or “I made my bed and now I have to lie in it,” or, “suck it up.” This is healthy.
Hijackals®️, my non-clinical term for these relentlessly difficult, toxic people, encompasses the traits, patterns, and cycles of these people. Hijackals impact and imprint others—particularly their children and partners—in deep, damaging, demeaning ways that are crazy-making.
Many people are waking up to what has happened, and is happening, to them. They are recognizing the damage, and how they were set up by it to attract, accept, and settle for Hijackal relationships in their adult life. I’ve had people recognize these things after thirty years of marriage! That recognition allows them to step away and gain perspective. That leads to new choices.
Hijackals paint a public image of perfection while, at home, creating a private place of pain. Many times a person is not validated for what is happening to them because of this. Therapists who have not experienced this personally, or in their practices, too often are manipulated by Hijackals, and end up re-wounding their partners and adult children unwittingly. You need acute “Hijackal Radar. “
The Google Goddess, in my opinion, is a double-edged sword. She can help so much by validating your experience, and, she can mis-identify what is going on. She is driven by what you input. She is an index, not a diagnostician. For example, she can easily miss a distinction between a self-centered behavior pattern and a narcissistic one.
Now that more information is available, more people have their experiences validated. This is a good thing.
Will some people unnecessarily label themselves as victims when, in fact, they were not in the accurate sense? Sure. Even Hijackals themselves love the drama of painting themselves as victims!
However, I much prefer that people raised or living in that “private place of pain” recognize what has happened to them, and takes steps to heal to having the deep, dark, hidden secrets staying stored in their souls and psyches, thinking they are unworthy, unacceptable, or unlovable.”
What is your response? I’d love to hear it.
You can join in my Facebook group, Optimize Life, or, if you want something more private, become a member of the Focus on Forward Forum on my website where everything you write never gets close to Facebook and is completely safe and private. That’s the best place to ask your questions, talk about your needs, learn more, and get support. I hope to see you there.